Machina

Machina

3 chapters / 1454 words

Approximately 7 minutes to read

Description:

July Challenge Winner! 750 words limit --> Except I have added an additional chapter because of the many comments saying I should add more, but since it is not a priority right now, I will be adding slowly. Freedom has been stripped from the world, and a new government called the New Order has turned everyone into human drones, all exactly alike. Except for the ones lurking in the shadows, like Mikah.

Comments(48)

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about 1 year ago Joy Marie Wilday said:

Incredible story! Wow I usually can't get into a story so easily but I was excited to see there was another chapter by the end of the first. I agree with others that you should def write more to this, who knows maybe itll be the next big thing!

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over 1 year ago Author Joseph AF Valiant said:

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over 1 year ago Red Sky Blue said:

Great work! You created a whole world with only 1500 words. Really intriguing stuff too.

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almost 2 years ago Jordan Brewer said:

honestly this is an amazing book. This deserves to be more then just a short story, but you should start by writing the origin story. It starts off so mysterious and it seems like it has a big back story you could base is off of. really though don't stop here. it definitely has potential, but its just how you bring out that potential that decides if its good or not. take the chance, become eternal in an everlasting tale to never be forgot. believe in your strengths, believe.

Reviews(20)

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2 months ago Nige Cooper said:

This is so beautiful! You are such a good writer! I've only seen two mistakes. They were missing words. Other than that, I really felt like I was there in the post-apocalyptic and dystopian world.

It's really hard for me to find a good book and stick with it, but I will stick with yours to the very end!

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11 months ago Dylan Hernandez said:

It has life, I'll say that much. While I love the idea of the governmental dystopia (fight the power and all that.) I really enjoyed the sense of shared yet unknown history you provided during the opening dream. I would only toss in the the idea that a bit more cohesion could go a long way into solidifying everything if you ever decide to fully pursue this in any way. There were times I felt that the character was on some occasions a rebellious youth then in others nothing more than a depressed tween, I had a feeling I could see your direction yet the character didn't feel quite complete or fleshed out as far in as you had gone with him.

All in all I enjoyed it immensely and would love to see how you provide growth and fulfillment to this world as a whole.

"Who and what are the New Order, what sinister mindset do their unnamed leaders maintain?"

Bravo.

K.