1 chapter / 1000 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read


this short story is the reason i don't do swaps anymore

  • 425
  • 22
  • 19
  • 132
  • 25
  • 173



over 1 year ago Avery Cloud-Estep said:

Your story grasped me immediately and the details were in-depth enough that I was able to imagine everything perfectly. I would have loved for there to be more of the story! It did not end abruptly at all, but instead left me wanting more.

On a side note, sometime last year you asked me to do a swap with you and that was when I was on a too long hiatus from this website and did not see the request until today. If you are still interested in doing your part of the swap, read any story I have, if not, I completely understand. Thanks!



about 3 years ago William Shakeshack said:

Sorry I took so long. (Note: this will be an honest review. It is not my intention to offend you.)

I thought that your story was good, solid entry. It had an interesting character and settings. I also liked how you were able to squeeze in a few descriptions as well, which is always nice. It felt as though you really tried to make your villain different and interesting. I applaud you for you putting real effort into this. However, the story was not flawless. There were many instances when I was left awkwardly confused about just what was happening. The story itself was a bit hard to follow and I had really no idea how your power worked. Was it mind control? Did he enter their soul? Or did was everybody's soul a different world? And what was the box? Did he carry hell around with him everywhere?

The power you chose left more questions than answers at the end of it all. One last thing, if your power was a sort of mind control, then I recommend changing it. In my time reviewing in this contest, I have seen probably 100+ stories with mind control as their powers. If I was not mind control, then don't pay attention to this sentence.

I was also left a bit at a loss with the numerous breaks that you put it. Now get me wrong, it was not a bad thing that they were in there, but I felt as though they were meant to symbolize something important to the story or character. However it seemed that rather, they were there to separate the story.

There is a lot of things in here to make a really great story but I feel that after got a good setting and character, you slacked on the story. You let the 1000 word limit, well, limit you. If I were you I would sit down one day, and really change my writing tactics to meet the word limit and still keep an solid, coherent story.


about 3 years ago Kera Underground said:

Plain and simple, I love it! I love how each button represents something different and the demon that enjoys his job and how he passes from scene to scene, each scene completely different from the last! He's such a good character with a good fashion sense! I can't wait to read more!