Surreal Happiness

Surreal Happiness

1 chapter / 868 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

In this piece, I am exploring making the reader feel certain emotions and go to a certain place while the writer is explaining about a character that is feeling those emotions in that certain place. Please read this once while listening to welcome to the show by Britt Nicole, and then you can read it again without the music, and I want to know how you felt. It’s a bit of an experiment lol. ☺ Sorry if I'm sounding weird!

Genres:

Writing, Paranormal

Tags:

Comments(4)

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about 3 years ago Cassidy DeGrio said:

You were very creative and I really enjoyed this read. Reread your story and you will see a few errors. nothing major. happens to everyone lol. The cover is also really awesome.

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about 3 years ago Stephanie Marasco said:

For the Swap: Anyways this is a really cool story! I liked the interpretation of the song and the style of the writing. The style fit perfectly with the cover and with the tone that you are trying to convey, I didn't really see many grammar mistakes so awesome job at that!!! Happy Writing!

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over 3 years ago Jordan Brianna said:

This was really intriguing. You had very good details and it has this sort of voice that people can somewhat relate to. Great job!

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over 3 years ago Josephine said:

First: Cover love :) I loved your voice and your storytelling. It was very strong and it propelled the story through. I got a lot of pretty imagery. I was a little confused on what was going on in the beginning, I was thinking club. But then I was thinking it was all a big dream. Overall, I liked this.

Reviews(3)

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almost 3 years ago Nick Edwin said:

Now- the first time I read this a few weeks ago, I was listening to Spanish guitar. That actually went really well with the poem. The second time with Welcome to the Show I thought it was good, but: you have enough AMAZING imagery here, the reader doesn't NEED any music to feel what you're trying to convey.

I can tell from the first paragraph: you- like me- are obviously an "ambiance junkie." You do a great job of setting the atmosphere with your imagery- which was pervasively brilliant without being excessive. Among my favorite lines was:

"It smells like city lights, it smells like expensive hotels with fancy scented candles burning in every corner, it smells like popery in restaurant bathrooms, it smells like the silver laugh behind a glass of champagne."

And then! You make it perfectly relatable by saying this only happens in dreams. If you meditate (like I do,) you'd know that similar feelings happen after a few minutes- but not in that natural way that they do in dreams. Where you're almost bathing in that surreal happiness. (Did I just say the exact title of your poem. haha *fist bump*)

I love how when you're describing the "party"- none of it would seem so ecstatic on paper, but the surreal happiness in the imagery that you oh so PERFECTLY described, it all seems so holy.

I sorta felt the last sentence of that paragraph, the part about a pig flying by with a winged owl on its back" seemed randomly thrown in. It's good imagery, just didn't seem to fit the flow.

The last paragraph is the best part of all- so what if it's a fairytale? As Buddha said, "what we think, we become." he would love this as much as I do!!! ;D

You're an excellent writer. Keep it up! ;D

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over 3 years ago Summer said:

I’ll just write out my thoughts as I read through this :) Hope my review proves helpful!

“I starred...” should be “stared.”

“...that covered the window pains” should be “windowpanes”

The sentence “That’s the feeling I get around here” seems kind of redundant. You don’t need that sentence; it might flow better without it.

“It smells like the one percent, when you’re that one percent out of a hundred.” This sentence confuses me...not quite sure what you’re trying to say here.

I notice you started out in past tense and switched to present tense. Try to keep your tenses the same - I suggest keeping with past tense the entire time.

Great job with the repetition. It builds suspense and kept me wondering what was going on and where this place was. The last line gave me shivers for some reason...it seemed more like a nightmare than a dream in some ways. (Made me think of a bunch of college kids getting high at a party, lol! Not my type of crowd! Haha.)

Just be careful of awkwardly worded sentences and run-ons. Those were frequent, and while sometimes writers can slip them in to put emphasis on something, I don't think it works with this piece.

You have a creative idea here, and there's so much you can do with this. I love the word choice in certain sentences: I would expect you to list something that flowed with the rest of the paragraph, and you would quickly contrast it with something completely unexpected. (Don't know if that made any sense…oh well.) Great job!