The Swap

The Swap

3 chapters / 3797 words

Approximately 19 minutes to read

Description:

I was not Lizbet, like Griffin thought I was tonight. I was Ria, her twin sister, and I had just broken the most important rule of our Halloween prank swap: rule number one, do not have intimate contact with Griffin. --- Novel in Progress

Genres:

Writing, Romance, Novel

Comments(2)

Cool owl

about 3 years ago Amaros Gwyndwill said:

Nice, I loved the details. There isn't really much to critique on yet, so yeah. Good luck!

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about 3 years ago Cayley Dunn said:

This is really good! Great opening chapter. The plot caught my attention quickly and I can't wait to see what happens next! Your descriptions and detail are also very well written. I'm excited to keep reading this as you come out with more chapters!!

Reviews(3)

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about 3 years ago Cait Cher said:

I found this story to be an interesting read. Aside from thinking you should add some more details into each of the chapters, I found some grammar errors that could be fixed.

Prologue

"...to him. The smell of his cologne clouded my thoughts."

"...but in his arms, I felt like were in our own world."

"...mine, and my palm tingled."

"It was mostly empty if you didn't count the naughty schoolgirl and cop making out..."

Chapter 1

Write out numbers. Ex. "2,500" is two thousand five hundred or twenty-five hundred.

"fall, Friday afternoon."

"...was one of the biggest high schools in Western Kentucky, which had its pros and cons."

"Five feet two inches and around one hundred ten pounds each...for seventeen-year-old girls."

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about 3 years ago Pippa K. S. said:

You do a beautiful job at creating setting. The house party, the feeling of being isolated in a room full of sweaty, gross teenagers… It’s like we’re there. The small details—the naughty schoolgirl and the cop—really flesh out the scene.

You have really nice pacing when it comes to revealing details. His name, the fact that she’s sober in a party full of drunks, the mention of rule number three (I can’t help but think what one and two are…). You show more than tell, which is always refreshing in a writer (“You’re an angel tonight. You must wanna play the part” plus basically the whole end. If I hadn’t read the description, I wouldn’t have known something was up.)

The only critique I have is that the scene feels almost TOO perfect—there’s something missing. The embarrassment and the nerves are great. But I’d love if there was an elaboration on how deliciously wicked Ria’s attraction is to him. All in all though, it’s an awesome start to what’s sure to be a great novel. You’re obviously a skilled writer (no blatant grammatical errors, and I really enjoy your style—very natural and lifelike), and I look forward to what’s to come! Especially Lizbet’s reaction…