ANH (Sample 2)

ANH (Sample 2)

4 chapters / 5401 words

Approximately 27 minutes to read


Since I got feedback on that first sample of chapters, I've decided to put up a second set and see how people enjoy these. They aren't contiguous, not by a long shot, and there probably will be many questions about character development and such, but rest assured, those chapters will be coming.



about 1 month ago Ayu Bunga said:

You do a good job

Mad eyes

9 months ago The Crazymad Writer said:

An excellent bit of storytelling.


9 months ago ryanna rivers said:

good job


about 1 year ago Athira B said:

Read Invictus: The Double Face Invisible God.

horror and mysterious book.


Picture037 (2)

almost 3 years ago Niki Taylor said:

Very good! I am very intrigued. Keep writing! This is good :)


almost 3 years ago Sapphire Hawking said:

I have to say, the action in the first chapter was extremely gripping. You have an excellent way of varying your language so the reader never get bored. All in all, it's a wonderful story so far, and I will certainly be looking forward to the next update.

I just have two suggestions.

While the plot is interesting and does a good job of pulling the reader in immediately, I think your opening scenes would be even more effective if you allowed more raw emotion to make it's way into the battle. For example, instead of just saying that the people in the bus were "nervous," think of how you would feel in a similar situation. What would people be saying? What would they be doing?

How would they really be feeling?

Often, readers become more intrigued with a story when they find it relates to them. Try to make the readers feel what the people in the bus are feeling, not just see what they are seeing. Descriptive detail is important, but so are sensory details and the inner thoughts of your characters.

In addition, providing these details about the private thoughts or expression of feeling by your main character will make your readers feel more emotionally invested in the outcome of the story. They will automatically feel a connection with your character, and hope for a certain beneficial outcome.