With A Simple Roll Of The Dice

With A Simple Roll Of The Dice

20 chapters / 64917 words

Approximately about 5 hours to read

Description:

Copyright © 2015 by Katherine Brown. All Rights Reserved.
A special thank you to Gayatri for this beautiful cover. Check out this newly verified author at G.Y.D.

Kate was right to be scared. There was definitely something off about this charismatic charmer, but it would take twenty seven years of living a nightmare to reveal to Kate, the villain, to whom she'd given control of her life. Not just any villain, but a villain of the worst kind, the kind she didn't see coming until it’s too late. The kind she was inclined to trust, because he didn’t look like what he really was. This charismatic charmer was a charlatan, masterful at deception and gaining control over his mark. Kate was an easy mark. Exactly the kind of person a charlatan goes shopping for. There are only three kinds they’re interested in. The ambitious and power hungry, the insecure and wounded, and finally, the young and idealistic. Kate was the latter, coming from a small town in New England where everyone knew everyone. She’d never had a reason to distrust people and naivety made her easy prey. She fell hard, bewitched by the cultic sorcery of his religion. She’d never met a charlatan before and she didn’t know it then, but conquest was his drug of choice. This was a journey she’d never meant to take.

Genres:

Writing, Novel

Comments(35)

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over 2 years ago Samantha Pies said:

Hey Kate! Sorry for reviewing so late! I read your prologue and thought it was good. It was more descriptive on the JR's point of view it seemed, and you have a quotation mark at the beginning of one of your paragraphs were they don't speak. Although there were a few things, I did enjoy reading it and hope you continue to write stories as good as this!

Pokémon.full.2047417

over 2 years ago Chiara Damiani said:

Chapter 7, Snow Day

Wow, Kate this is the best chapter yet! I love how well the entire chapter flowed. I completely got caught up in it! I loved the parts where there was an interruption in the story by either your son or his wife. You nailed those parts, and executed going back into telling the story perfectly. And omg. So romantic!!! I can't wait to read the next chapter. (When I have more time, I'll try to do a review. Was thinking of you today and wanted to read more of your story before going to work, and I'm glad I did. Had a big smile on my face the whole time.) Love the way you write!! You've definitely improved a lot!

~Chi

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over 2 years ago Cate Eliot said:

Feedback on the Prolouge: I really liked all the descriptions and imagery you were able to put into the beginning. The feeling of numbness was really a great way to get the readers attention. I was a little lost to what the MC was going until I later found out about the laundry. I would suggest moving that up a little bit. I also liked how you already have such a round, developed character in Kate. This has the makings of a great novel. I didn't see that twist near the end coming. Well done. I hope to be back to read more.

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over 2 years ago Nick Edwin said:

For the second "Snow Day" chapter-

what can I say? The Queen of Figgies strikes again! ;D

This is certainly better than the rest of what I've read- you had a good story all along but now you're really starting to nail the more mechanical parts of conveying what's in your head to the paper.

The kids are definitely getting more developed as characters. So is your narrator.

I loved the part about the yahtzee game- SOOO realistic, something we can all relate to yet with this haunting story. You almost feel bad for the kids cause of how innocent they seem knowing there's so much disillusion their parents went through with the Church.

Your dialogue is getting a lot better too!

I want to read the rest of it but that will probably take a great deal of time which unfortunately I don't have since my grandpa is five months pregnant and I need to care for him.

Reviews(51)

Gk

over 2 years ago Lucy Marie said:

Hey Kat!

Another review for you. :) I hope this is helpful.

Overall impressions after reading this chapter (I forget which number it was, sorry xD) I definitely enjoyed it again! For someone who doesn't really know what she believes in (religion-wise), I'm finding this so fascinating to read. In the opening few paragraphs of this chapter especially, reading how taken over everyone was by the ceremony and the Pastor was so thought-provoking. You've got me wondering right along with Kate. I don't know what's happening, she doesn't know what's happening--I'm so hooked on this journey. By the end, I'm positive she's going to return, and I think we're going to be getting right into the story soon. You've done an awesome job so far of building up the setting and suspicion, and I can't wait to read what happens next. GREAT work!

Another comment that your writing was incredible in this chapter as well! I'd say even from the last one, it is better. The punctuation in this one was noticeably better. There were times when I would have added more commas, but I didn't correct this too much because I didn't think it detracted from your writing. Also, I have a tendency to use a lot of commas in my writing style, and not all authors do. I think the framework for technical writing you have in this chapter was really good! Not much to pick at, really.

So my chronological reactions to the piece. As always [ ] is replace/add and { } is delete.

Good beginning description of the music. As the reader I found myself almost getting lost in it and I couldn't even hear it!

Some nice humour in first couple paragraphs from narrator – realistic voice again of a young girl.

*”…red-faced [with] veins bulging in his neck[.] “And when…”

*”…iniquity.’{“} Then you will be…” – this made it seem like there was a break in dialogue when there wasn’t.

*Why were the people taken away after they held up their hands? This part was confusing.

*”Pastor/Teacher” – I would write this in dialogue – ‘pastor and teacher’.

Really curious about this Pastor. Like so curious it's bugging me, haha. I liked how you emphasised the difference between the service at home and in Jean’s church. This man kind of intimidates me to be honest.

Love the mixture of cultures and the description of this!

*”…the arm[,] laughing[.] “You’ve got a one track mind.”

The above scene reminded me of a dozen conversations I’ve had with my best friend. A very realistic teenager voice of two girls. This scene just made me smile and laugh. I love how easily you’ve transitioned into the voice from the previous chapters! I said this in my last review but it’s so well done.

*”…honey[.]” Patty puts her arm around me[.] “If wishing made…”

I wonder if this guy she pointed out is the very important JR. I imagine so because it seems like we'll be seeing him again. Can't wait!

*”…into the trunk[,] the barrage of questions{,} I’d anticipated{,} begins.”

*”…the time [we’re] done both of them…”

Great last line to this chapter! It wasn’t really touched on that Jean left their parent’s church like the narrator later does. I find this very interesting and cannot wait to learn more about this new church that has everyone so fascinated and changed!

Looking forward to reading the next chapter. :)

~Lucy

Gk

over 2 years ago Lucy Marie said:

Hey Kat!

I'm here with my review for chapter three. I'm sorry if it was a little late. This (along with the prologue) is my favourite chapter yet! I absolutely loved seeing this flashback and your writing skills really showed through this. I mean, it was narrated perfectly. The narrator's voice came through the words phenomenally and I'm left just mulling over how great this was. I'm really enjoying learning about your journey so far, and I'm definitely eager to read more soon!

As always, [ ] means add/replace and { } means delete. Comments/critiques will be mixed. I hope you find this useful.

*”A church, Jean joined after graduating from college” – this doesn’t read right to me. Perhaps take out the comma, but I would change it to ‘It is a church Jean joined…’

*Avoid direct address such as “your/you” – always stick to first person rather than directly speaking to the reader as this pulls them out of the story.

Fantastic writing skill in this chapter! I'm loving how easily the words flow from the page.

I love how you give a sense of the characters and their relationships - very well done.

*”…and {to} make the introductions.”

*”…in plans[,]” Jenna says ‘anxiously’” – maybe describe how she’s anxious rather than telling the reader. Does she clasp and unclasp her hands? Do her eyes dart around?

*”But{,} James interrupts…”

*”{Unmistakable} [I]rritation fuels my voice…”

*”…don’t worry[,]” James soothes…”

*”…friend, Jean[,] is going to say…”

*”…plenty of people going to [the] convention… [They’re] serving lunch…”

This man and Jenna are reliable, aren’t they? I’m sure their being left stranded will be of importance though.

*”…another ride[,]” Patty says with…”

*”…there, Jean[,]” I say to no one…”

*”ax” – axe?

*”Then we spy a cute{, older} couple that are old enough to be…” – you won’t need to describe them as old twice.

I like how the narrator’s character changes as you go back further in time. It’s really effective to hear Kate’s young voice here, rather than her much more mature one later. It really comes through well!

*[“]I’m Kate, this is my best…”

*”…my friend, Patty[,] and we’re on our way…”

*”…sister, Jean[,] is meeting…”

*”…Richard and I[.] I’m Sheila by the way.”

*”…thought, finally says[,] “You…”

*”…and while {were} eating[,] I make a ‘note…”

*”…to floor[,] allowing natural light…”

*”…stuck to me like [v]elcro.”

Lovely building of the setting. I can picture the atmosphere of the three girls perfectly in my mind. This place they're at seems pretty cool with your descriptions.

*”Four large, evenly spaced{,} pillars serve…”

*”…remaining foyer[. Behind] the receptionist desk[,] I spy a…”

*”…there’s a large {executive} desk in the middle…”

*”…on my arm[.] “Kate, where’d…”

*”…eighty degrees{,} in this rotunda style foyer…”

*”Come on[,]” she says, practically dragging…”

I like how you build up a sense of mystery with Kate’s puzzlement. Her reactions really give the reader a sense of how she is feeling - nicely shown.

*”Then with a piercing look of assessment that makes me want to look away, but I don’t let myself I hold his gaze” – this sentence doesn’t sound right, it’s too long and telling the reader too many things at once. I would split it into two.

I like how you allude that something is off about the Pastor.

*”So what—are they going…” – it’s unclear who speaks here.

*”Kate, [h]oney…”

Hmm, I’m getting more and more curious as this chapter progresses.

*”…of this B&B[,] I find I am…”

*”…the walls and[,] adding to the room’s ambiance[,] are lovely…”

*”Impressive…begins to water.” – be wary this sentence might be too long and confusing to the reader. However it is grammatically okay and I really liked it. Most people dislike overly long sentences though, even if they are not run-ons.

*”…ordering[]” Patty says, licking…”

*”…his head, [and] a well-manicured mustache and goatee [frame] his face.”

*”Shhh, [that’s] the…”

*”…to the nines{,} sip on glasses of wine, making…”

*”…[now more] than ever…”

I love the feeling of Kate being like a fish out of water in this scene. I think it’s something a lot of readers will find humorous and relatable. The restaurant scene was quite light-hearted.

*”…chimes in[.] “I mean, how many…”

*”…even though [it] got off to a rough…”

*”…like that, Jean?{“} The food was amazing!”

*”Yeah[,]” Patty moans[.] “But now…”

A VERY good chapter overall, only nit-picks. :) I really like your writing, Kat, and you should never stop.

~Lucy