Nowhere But Up

Nowhere But Up

1 chapter / 966 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:

PLEASE VOTE FOR THIS PIECE IN THE FINAL CONTEST POLL IF YOU THINK IT'S THE BEST OF THE 5 :) - Brandon Sanderson contest entry, so please heart if you think it deceives it. 1000 word limit. Careful what you wish for might sound like a warning phrase, but this genie couldn't care less. There's only one thing she wants.

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Comments(301)

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Reviews(98)

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about 3 years ago Blue Montgomery said:

WHOA. Kindly allow me to sit here and recover. This was so captivating. I think you have something, and I'm going to critique now in hopes that it can become even more amazing.

1.) That first splash of acerbic sarcasm. It was good, but the technicalities of it were puzzling. He was mildly more interesting... I had to think, and I'm not sure "mildly more" works. Maybe "He was fractionally more interesting" or even "surprisingly, he was more interesting". I might change interesting to intriguing, as well.

2.) When you're leading up to the twist (which was good), several times you mention the genie's freedom and her desire to become so. It might shock and enrapture readers even more if you hint more often and more vaguely at that, it might either spark their curiosity or just percolate in their subconsciousness.

3.) It might add to the ahem, staged "relationship" between the genie and Mr. Aaron if the genie gives him her name. It doesn't have to be her real name, even. She could make some condescending remark in her head explaining as she gives him the name. But it would look like trust on her part, and also allow the reader to become more attached. Names do have power.

And that sums up my really picky critique.

I think the genie idea was totally unique, and would not have occurred to me. The pragmatic thoughts of the MC make for a clear-cut narrative, and the bold twists keep the reader on their toes.

Awesome job!

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about 3 years ago Scorpio Ryder said:

Your description of Mr. Aaron is fantastic. You not only portray how he looks, but the kind of person he is.

This is such a creative story! I love the Genie idea- you depict your Genie with such a great personality- like, so well-developed, including all the little details like interlocking his fingers and stretching. I like this, because it makes it so much more real.

OH MY GOODNESS. That was an amazing twist ending. I know that people probably say this all the time, but seriously, you should continue this after the contest. Seriously.

And somehow I absolutely love your villain and I want him to win. Usually most people might not want that for a villain, but yours is awesome. Like Loki. Loki is awesome. Sorry, that was random, but he’s one of the few villains I want to win in all these movies, and your character kind of reminded me of his awesomeness.

Anyway, I actually didn’t find any grammar mistakes in this. I really liked this!