The Queen of Roses and Thorns

The Queen of Roses and Thorns

1 chapter / 1000 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:

*Cover Courtesy of Ayse Avan*
*Entry for Brandon Sanderson Contest*
A girl named Rose has the power of plants. She is very solitary and never leaves her garden. No one sees her when she walks through the town until she meets Nicholas, the prince of the kingdom. He fell in love with her then. Many years pass and Nicholas becomes king. Sadly, he begins to forget Rose and marries a beautiful woman named Mariel. One night, he sees Rose in his dreams and he calls out her name. Mariel, knowing Nicholas still has feelings for Rose, locks her in a dungeon hidden away from the world. Will Nicholas find Rose and ends Mariel's reign of chaos?

Comments(14)

Avatar-thumb

over 2 years ago William Root said:

Nice enough, though it didn't follow the prompt. Their was some good wordplay. William Root, author of Promises

Chicken

over 2 years ago meme said:

I love your characterization, and descriptions are great and I like the characters!Hearted!

572638_100005507889737_475814513_n

almost 3 years ago Diana Raven said:

The imagery is amazing! The last paragraph seemed a bit out of place to me though. There doesn't seem to be much provoking or reason for Rose to want to destroy everyone in the last paragraph and it also doesn't seem to make sense why she also wants to be Queen and still be vengeful. I also read the beginning as a fairy tail almost. I almost thought it would start like "Once upon a time..." The tone of that sort of got lost after a while though.

Good luck!

Me (3)

almost 3 years ago Cassidy C. said:

Your characterization and descriptions are amazing! The imagery is perfect! Great job! And Good Luck!

Reviews(3)

Mehe

almost 3 years ago Tibby Kay said:

I like the idea. I like the setting, and the plot. But, everything happened so quickly that I didn't really care what happened to the characters. The fact that he fell in love with her beauty is pretty vain, and the fact she fell in love with him because he fell in love with her is also pretty vain. To be honest, this could be a lot more, but with less description and more feeling. I read about them kissing, but I didn't feel it. And that is what you need to capture readers, emotions.

Other than that, I did enjoy the story. Good luck!

~Tibby

Jumping-horse

almost 3 years ago clevernotbrilliant said:

It definitely was a good story and you have a really good plot set up. That being said, I felt like you actually explained too much and I never really got a feel of the characters. I understand that you have a limited word count, so of course expecting you to flesh out three characters in 1000 words isn't realistic, but I'm going to give you one of the most commono pieces of writing advice ever: show, don't tell.

You do a very nice job of giving the reader a lot of information in a limited amount of space; however, it was too much. Instead of telling the reader how beautiful Rose is, show us in the way Nicholas reacts to her or include it in the description of the interactions between the characters.

Also remember that description is more than what you see. What do the vines feel like? What do the roses smell like? Use all five senses to really capture the reader's attention.

Another small suggestion would be to maybe cut out that first part before the break and incorporate it into the next section. That would give you more words to work with and challenge you to show and not tell.

Great story though! After the contest, I really encourage you to expand on this idea you have!