Revenge

Revenge

1 chapter / 974 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:



For the Brandon Sanderson Contest

**THIS IS THE SAME STORY AS BEFORE, I JUST CHANGED THE TITLE TO A MORE FITTING ONE**

Harden Kingdom is officially… CURSED.

Jasmyn King lost the most important thing in her life - the man she loves. The day she lost Wren was the day she lost her own soul.

Jasmyn turned into the worst villain that day - a heart-broken, revenge-taking villain out to condemn Harden Kingdom - for good.

With the help of her new found power - Advanced Biological Manipulation (the ability to manipulate biological things like shapesifting into someone else and the manipulation of cells to react to certain medicines a certain way) - Jasmyn plans to use the King's 'face' to conquer Harden Kingdom and take revenge for the loss of Wren...


**NOTE: Cover made entirely by me! Cover is as legal as I can get it: I took the picture myself from the season finale of 'About A Boy'.**

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Comments(207)

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about 1 month ago Alexandr said:

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6 months ago Alexandr Lukin said:

ShowBox program allows you to watch Hollywood movies and Serials too, TV shows which are loved to see you daily, you can explore Showbox app at every moment in every day of your life.

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over 1 year ago Elizabeth Rankin said:

Oohh! You go get your revenge! Do it for the man you love! That was so wow! I'm just speechless! I wish that I could write like that, like you!

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about 2 years ago Paradisefiggie said:

Hello, you've blocked comments and still owe me a swap for reading this story. I would appreciate you getting back to me and going on my page and reading my friends poetry "missing you".

Reviews(66)

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about 2 years ago Nick Dean said:

I stopped reading at "...Andrew Leonard destroyed me." It was a very intriguing read, there is no doubt about that. I feel like it may need a fair amount of work in terms of both the choice of lexical items used to describe the different aspects of your story and the way by which you describe the different elements. I can feel that you are being very adventurous with this piece of work and I admire you branching out to write something you obviously very much enjoyed working on. I like the potential this contains, it reads like a comparatively recent Assassin's Creed novel. While reading through this however I felt that it lacked a certain flow within the paragraphs, despite the smooth transition, for the most part, from one event to the next. I would probably suggest, if you are open to suggestions, imagining a silent thief moving from one shadow to the next, make that your first chapter. It doesn't have to be long, and you can still introduce the character of 'Jasmyn'. That is just the direction I personally would take.

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about 2 years ago Bobby Karmi said:

Sorry for taking so long to get to this swap. The real world has a funny way of keeping you from doing stuff. So, here I am, about to review your work. If you still want to swap, you can pick any work of mine to do. I don't care, so surprise me.

I dug this story, but I do feel like it is more of a set up rather than a self contained story. I want to see if the female lead goes through with the assassination, or if she really can't bring herself to kill the man she loved (I wish you had gone with a different trope, but you do fine with it. It doesn't become too tedious). I wasn't a fan of the repletion of the phrases, but I can see why you did it. I would've also liked to see more world building in this narrative. The audience knows its a monarchy, but what is the agriculture like? Is it desolate? A cityscape? A desert? It tends to add mood and subtly tip the audience into how they should feel while reading. Ultimately, I liked it, but it could use some more work.