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Approximately 9 minutes to read
I am thinking of turning this short story into a longer one, I want honest opinions on the next chapter please review and comment!!!
This is a short story on the Queen of hearts as a young woman just falling into wonderland.
almost 2 years ago Bill O'Malley said:
Nice story! You have a great sense of plot. Your handling of the inner realm of your characters is well crafted.
about 2 years ago Stacey said:
i want to read more!
over 2 years ago Marissa LaPorte said:
I am working on my queen of hearts story for this contest as well although it is about her in the future not in the past. It is an interesting take on the prompt and how she fell in love with "Heart"
over 2 years ago Rae Valdez said:
Whoa. You were right. Mine does seem like a sequel. O_O Anywho, loved it! I'd never really thought of the queen being from somewhere outside of Wonderland. You have a few grammer errors that need to be fixed and the queen could use a bit more detail. Good luck in the contest!
21 days ago lol nope said:
"With just the blink of my eye I could make my own world."
There should be a comma after "eye"
"His eyes where swimming with mischief . . ."
"where" should be changed to "were"
I hope this helped. :)
about 2 years ago theciphergirl said:
Your work was fantastic! Although, I'd like to point out a few things:
[With just a blink of my eyes I could make my own world.] should probably be [In a blink of an eye, I could make my own world.]
[A piece of lightning flashed next to me...] Lightning has no determinate quantifier (as far as I know) so it would be better off as [Lightning flashed next to me...]
Also, darkness cannot be quantified with 'a'. Better to just drop the 'a', I think. Dunno if I missed anything. Great work so far!