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Approximately 2 minutes to read
Written for the #mythicalworld contest. The prompt was to write a story, 500 words or fewer, that takes place in my favorite mythical world. I chose Neverland... but I would argue that it isn't actually a "mythical" place at all.
over 2 years ago Aimee Bourey said:
This is so lovely! Two minutes well spent on such a well done piece. Best of luck in the contest!
over 2 years ago Morgan B said:
Wow, that was a captivating story! The ending was most powerful: It was a terrible thing to be forgotten. It ends with a feeling of fear and uncertainty. Does Jane survive?
over 2 years ago Isabella W. said:
Amazing take on Peter Pan, I must say! Your rendition vaguely reminded me of the original version of Peter Pan, too.
I loved the eerie and sorrowful feel of your story. The back-story was wonderful as well as the ending.
However, could you explain to the reader what the eyes belonged to more clearly? I understand that they put her in danger, but the portrayal was a bit confusing.
This is just a little tip, I would use "had" less. It isn't always needed in a sentence and it becomes repetitive after a while.
Overall, your story was beautiful and quite unique!