Andrew Stone

Andrew Stone

1 chapter / 998 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read


1,000 word limit! In a world of the dead, living loses it's meaning.

If you were never adopted nor in a foster home then just to let you know that things that this character is going through with his "family" can happen. When I was 8 and my sis 4 we were going to be adopted by a nice couple. They bought us pretty, frilly clothes and took us for ice cream and said they loved us. Then they got pregnant and started to treat us like crap. They slowly started changing our room into a nursery and a few months before the baby was born they took us back to the receiving home. If that has never happened to you then you are lucky but my dialogue is more real than you would think. Look up stories about people who were adopted. Not all had a loving home. My aunt by blood adopted me when I was 11. She divorced my uncle and left when I was 13. I had too many issues she said. I had a bad attitude because of the way I was treated in foster homes. So that dialogue is very real. People change their minds all of the time.

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about 3 years ago Imani Clark said:

I couldn't find the story you mentioned on the forum, so I chose this one. Very cool concept! I think you rushed through his discovery of his powers though. Take more time to show exactly what his powers are and how they work, and how he comes to terms with them. Also, explain the experiments more, because I feel like you sort of just jumped into that. But the ideas you have are great!


about 3 years ago Robert Francis said:

I was hoping you could read my story "The Future Dead: Janet Transformed." Really enjoyed reading your story.


about 3 years ago Lexi C said:

Wow, I love the storyline!


about 3 years ago Dr. Phrogenstein said:

A very original story i will say. You had a great storyline and concept, But there are a few things you could change to make the story more understandable.



about 3 years ago Bobby Karmi said:

I read this version because I wasn't sure which edition you wanted me to read. Sorry it took nearly a week to get to this, real world problems and such. You can read any of my pieces you feel like, it doesn't matter to me. Surprise me.

I think this works as a traditional super villain origin story, but I wish there was more room for the story to grow (I will check out the expanded version to see if this problem persists). We as the audience has seen this "I ceased being the favorite so I hate everyone" character done before, and in this story the character brings the hatred upon himself. As soon as his brother is born and his folks pay more attention to him (which they would, because he is a baby/young child as opposed Andrew being considerably older from what is inferred). So when he starts acting out, it seems like a natural choice for the parents to start having no patience with him. I am not sure if you wanted the character to be a twerp, but it feels like you wanted us to sympathize with him, which I couldn't. Then the ending felt rushed, like "Oh we spent too much time on the back story so now we have to speed through him becoming a genius and causing the world to end THE END!". I blame this mostly on the word limit, but it was something that really bugged me.


about 3 years ago Marco Bodt said:

I would really like some more detail. Other than that it was a really good book and I hope you can make a squeal to this! ^-^