Moon Fall

Moon Fall

1 chapter / 788 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

#BrandonSanderson.

An evil Sorcerer casts a powerful spell, that leaves moon powerless over gravity, as the Moon City beings to plummet to its end.

Comments(10)

Whitetiger

over 2 years ago A.J. Cypher said:

I like the ominous line there at the end, it shows the MC's limitations. I also like how you manage to do so much world building, like with the starlight staff, in a short piece. Well done :)

Swap for Nowhere But Up.

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over 2 years ago Phantom said:

Loved the way you described it! Awesome job

Lauren's iphone pictures 2014 028

over 2 years ago Phantom said:

Loved the way you described it! Awesome job

Elephanthotairballoonboardart

over 2 years ago Kacie McClure said:

I really like the description, and the whole plot! My only suggestion is that you try to "show not tell" Good luck!

Reviews(2)

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over 2 years ago Cait Cher said:

You had great details in this story. I just found some grammar errors that you could fix. Once fixed, you have a good story on your hands.

"Up!" he demanded. Then, gears and cogs began to grind and pound as the throne shot him upward into the air." I just reworded this section, so it would make sense.

"...his long, black hair..."

"...realm will see," exclaimed the dark sorcerer, rising from his chair, his staff in his hand."

"...your fate," he said, standing up as he took the staff..."

"You can't save your world this time!" he bellowed."

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over 2 years ago Angelec said:

This was beautifully described! The emotion really came through...i could feel something likened to a chant go through me as i read your words. it was really exhilarating. that evilness really came through i think. one thing..."maybe" at the end of your story should be "...may be his undoing..." two words read it aloud and see how it sounds both ways. i might be wrong haha. otherwise i think your story is great. keep up the good work.