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Approximately 1 minute to read
They went ahead to college to study in business, but I went for the study of life.
*Placed in the Family Expectations Contest*
over 1 year ago J.D. Slinger said:
This was so good! And so inspiring!
about 2 years ago Ellia Roe said:
This was really good and you captured the whole 'it's want I want so I'm gonna go for it' thing well. Good job!
over 2 years ago Artemis J. Potter said:
Nicely done! I liked how you explored how passionate you felt about living your dream. It sounds cool to live in Rome, I've never been :D
I guess like the two comments said below that some of the words were phrased in a confusing way, but I think if you look over it and read it out loud it'll make sense. Also, I felt like you didn't talk about your parents' expectations as much, more about other people's expectations, but that could just be me.
Overall, I enjoyed this. Good luck in the contest!
over 2 years ago B. Blakmyre said:
Great job! I do agree a bit with the previous commenter that some parts were worded in a confusing way, but overall, I loved the sentiment. I felt a real connection to this piece as I have felt the same. I love the last sentence particularly! Good luck with the contest.
over 2 years ago Jackson Krause said:
I enjoyed the tone of it a whole lot, and your imagery is nicely used. There's only a few grammatical and spelling things here and there, like "titled" in the first sentence should be "tilted" and I would probably try a different word than "holey", unless you were aiming for irony; also, "Colosseum" is how it's spelled, and there was a little formatting blunder where you wrote "live in Rome after". Otherwise, it was a thoughtful read!
over 2 years ago daisy:) said:
Cover: Cool cover! Definitely see how it relates to the story.
Summary: I like your short, simple description. It’s just enough to draw the reader in.
Formatting: No formatting issues.
First Impressions: Very cool intro with an immaculate description of the Colosseum. I had the opportunity to visit over the summer and your first paragraph brought me right back there!
Character Quality: Considering the piece is so short, there isn’t much “character quality,” but I certainly don’t mean that in a bad way. The beauty is found in the perspective.
Voice/Tone: Your vibrant, descriptive tone makes up for the lack of characterization. I am almost able to understand/feel for the speaker just through their tone. Truly well done.
Spelling/Grammar: Colosseum is spelled wrong in the second paragraph, but other than that, I didn’t notice anything.
Storyline/Conflict: I really liked how in 248 short words you were able to capture the essence of a “dream.” This character obviously faced many who didn’t believe they’d ever make it. This inclusion really adds depth to the storyline.
Final Impressions: Short and simple, a piece about hopes and dreams and living life to the fullest. How can it get better than that?
Intrigue/Questions: I would love for you to continue this story. I think you could do a lot in terms of describing the Roman experience, and maybe even the backstory of how your protagonist arrived.