2 chapters / 4333 words

Approximately 22 minutes to read


Anyone can conquer an evil green witch or a Jabberwocky with a little bravery and a shining sword, but what happens when the villain of the fairytale is blood?

Scarlett Mathews has lived her entire life in a little blue house in nowhere, Virginia, until the second anniversary of her mother's murder. Fleeing from the bruises and broken bones caused by her drunken father, Scarlett must find a land where no one can hurt her--Libertatem. Driven by a wolf, enslaved in a prophecy, and enticed by twin princes, her stay in this magical kingdom is longer than expected. But when her past comes back to haunt her and not everyone is who they really seem, will Scarlett be able to fulfill her destiny or will reality come crashing down around her?



almost 3 years ago Pam Crompton said:

Just read the first page or so. Powerful and intriguing beginning that would entice me to read on. However, I have some nit picks like too many adverbs. You don't need them because the story itself is strong enough without them.


almost 3 years ago Rosalie Nrek said:

Chapter 2: Wow! Yet again, I have nothing much to say improvment-wise. Your writing is wonderful! Maybe you could expand a bit on your descriptions, but other than that, your story is wonderful. I'll love your unique names and the characters in general. This strikes me as Alice in Wonderland inspired. Is it? I love it! Great job.


almost 3 years ago Rosalie Nrek said:

I don't have much to say for improvements, besides "my conscious" being changed to "my consciousness". This is absolutely stunning! I love your writing so much. Your idea is very unique and it leaves me hanging. Great job!



almost 3 years ago Banie Lee said:

Hi Tiffany,

Who doesn’t love an updated fairy tale? I sure do☺ I really liked chapter one: Once Upon a Time.

I like the opening. The main character is upset and you have shown the reader just how much. My favorite description is how the “windshield wipers continued to flick the sprinkles of rain off the glass…” And, you used alliteration here (windshield wipers) – one of my favorite literary techniques.

Not sure “sobs escaped my throat” was the best word choice.

I have been told to avoid adverbs to make my writing stronger. You used many, such as gently, brightly, barely, etc.

The flashbacks to the alcoholic father were effective. I like how you put them in italics.

Very cool story, using fairy tale allusions of the wolf, a red cape, and the addition of a prince. I definitely want to read on and find out what happens to Scarlet.

Would you kindly read and review my edited first chapter of Night Owl? It would be much appreciated.

Thanks, Banie Lee

2014-05-01 18.42.33-1

almost 3 years ago daisy:) said:

Chapter 1: Once Upon A Time...

Cover/Title: Very nice cover. It appears very professional, which is a nice thing to see. The title is interesting... I love how you went with Latin instead of just plain old “Freedom.” Intriguing.

Summary: The description is spot on. You offer just enough information to pull readers in without giving away too much. Well done! I’d definitely pick it up if I saw it at a bookstore.

Formatting: I didn’t notice any formatting issues.

First Impressions: I found it interesting that you began with a quote. I’ve never thought about doing that before. It’s certainly not something a lot of writers would go with and that’s kind of why I like it. Not to mention, it’s a fantastic quote.

Character Quality: Scarlett is so real. I’m amazed! Her pain seeps through your words and straight to the soul. You’ll probably laugh, but she reminds me a lot of my protagonist in Inherently Human. I think they’d get along pretty well :)

Voice/Tone: This is where your story stood out from so many others that I’ve read. Voice isn’t something you can learn. You either have it or you don’t, and you, my friend, have it. I love love LOVE your vocabulary, descriptions, dialogue, and insights.

Spelling/Grammar: I didn’t notice many major mistakes within the piece.

Storyline/Conflict: I know I’m only reviewing the first chapter, but I was moved by your plot already. There’s so many places that this story could go and I’m excited to continue in the future.

Final Impressions: Such a neat way to end the chapter, with some fun references from typical fairytales. Bravo.

Intrigue/Questions: Would you be interested in doing a chapter by chapter review swap with this and Inherently Human? I have the first chapter uploaded now, so you could go ahead and take a look at it. I’ll be uploading more soon. I think we could both benefit from it. Just an idea.