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Approximately 1 minute to read
[winner - family expectations contest] #familyexpectations
almost 2 years ago Lorelle Shorten said:
I really like this! You have some great imagery throughout. Particularly in the paragraphs with “waiting to be tattooed by the blades of your ice skates” and “those first trembling steps on newborn legs only to bruise your knees?” And the last lines too actually! It’s all brilliant. Very effective. I like how the title really ties in, and I like the idea behind this as a whole. I enjoyed the read. Really great job :)
almost 2 years ago Alena Parker said:
Wow! I loved the connection with the reader, and I loved the blunt honesty of this. xD Five thumbs up. (That's out of five because apparently people keep asking me what that means.)
almost 2 years ago Andrew McLaughlin said:
This is Awesome!!!! :D :)
almost 2 years ago Allyn Hoffert said:
Woah. Woah. Woah. This is so freaking cool! I read this in my head as a monologue, but I don't know what kind of character would say a monologue like that. I loved the imagery that you used with the training wheels and it seemed like you had a reference to the story of Icharus in Greek Mythology at the end. I loved that. I really like this piece a lot! It's so vague and perfectly clear at the same time. I love your writing style. Excellent job. :)
over 1 year ago AlwaysAiyana said:
My goodness! The detail is impeccable, and the way you portray it is astonishing! This is a deep, true, and heartfelt piece!
Wow, I need to chill on these exclamation points.
But I can't!
I'd definitely give you five, no 1k stars for this!
almost 2 years ago Andreas Sander said:
This piece is filled with striking imagery, as with the ice-skating and tattoos, that are eloquently and efficiantly written. I also liked that you put in familiar phrases, such as the world is your oyster, but you added a hint of sarcasm and disbelief to that cliche, which was refreshing. I was left with a sad feeling inside thanks to your ending and did not feel empowered with my life after reading this piece (I even felt worried) which Im assuming was your intention. Personally I would have written something that not only broke me down (as you have done excellently) but also something that picks me back up and gives me strenght as I reenter the world after reading your story. That way I would have felt rewarded for reading this story, instead of feeling diheartened as is the case now. That is my personal critique, to think about what kind of feeling you want to leave the reader with and how you want them to move on with their life after reading your text. :)
You have a knack for conjuring worlds and evoking feelings, so keep on writing. Youve got something good going. :D