Vacant Memory #1

Vacant Memory #1

6 chapters / 4536 words

Approximately 23 minutes to read

Description:

Book One of The Vacant Memory Series
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Meet Nikita, a fifteen-year-old who was born with the power of time travel, or was she? Memories of her past seem false, and she feels as if she missing something. Nikita goes a search for who she really is but her findings are nothing like what she expected...

Genres:

Mystery, Thriller, Serial

Comments(11)

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7 months ago Red Silhouette said:

Excellent writing! Beautifully set out.

Bd9d8oh

7 months ago Paris Pearl said:

This is beautifully written:) I loved how you developed Nikita and touched up the sentences with your own stylistic decorations. Your writing always goes beyond my expectations, which makes me eager for more! I soaked in every detail like a sponge. The creativity and overall structure of this piece were flawless.

Trin_aster_pro

8 months ago Trin Aster said:

I read all of it and I really like it!! So good!

Bikegirlpro

8 months ago Rose C. said:

Wow! I was totally into that and you did a good job keeping me on the edge of my seat. Thank you for writing that!

Reviews(4)

Hwgfoll

4 months ago Courtney Dozier said:

Prologue

Okay, let me just preface this with that the way I do my reviews is different now. I just react to what I read basically, showing you my thoughts as I read each bit since I think it’s helpful. Also, I tend to forget things if I just review it at the end. Okay. Here I go:

I love how you started this with “wind”!

Woah. That is a good way to end and make the reader want more: I woke up. Not only do we have this girl chasing this guy around a house, but now it’s just a dream(or maybe a memory?).

Chapter 1

What? She can slow down time? Or is this just a lucid dream? Oh. Nevermind.

This is SO cool. You’ve already made it SUPER interesting by introducing a power of hers and making it mysterious as to what her past holds.

What!? So she’s adopted? That’s great.

She used to be someone else? Who? This seriously is already sparking my interest REALLY WELL.

So THAT’S what it’s called. Hexadecimal code. I know I saw it on my calculator and realized that system had 6 extra digits, but I didn’t realize that that’s what it’s called.

So she always has to say it aloud if she wants to change the speed of time?

Your amount of description is just right for this. You can move through the story quick enough that we find out more about her, but we still can see the scenes as we go through them.

Ooh. She keeps a journal. This is so cool.

She’s too confident about not getting caught. Is it just me or are you foreshadowing that she may have trouble along the way?

Chapter 2

What? There’s a boy in there? How old is she then? If he’s sixteen...I’d like to know how old she is in relation. If she’s learning algebra, then it’d make sense if she was around the same age as him, right? And is he the same boy from earlier in her memory? This is good because it literally made me wonder about everything.

And he’s got her journal, too XD.

Wait, a brother, maybe?

Why IS he afraid of her? Good question, Nika.

Yup. They are SO related. If not a brother, maybe a cousin? But brother feels more likely to me. Especially since she doesn’t know her real parents or her real family at all.

So is he NOT her brother? Or maybe he just doesn’t know? But he seems to not be able to time travel.

Why is he believing her anyway?

I’m not necessarily pointing these questions at you, this is just my first reaction to reading it, which shows just how interesting what you wrote is.

Yeah. Jeven wouldn’t ask her to see how it’s done if he knew how to time travel. But he still could be related to her.

Wait, maybe she was his best friend? That would make more sense, right?

YES! She has a Maine accent. She is SO the best friend XD.

Wait, but then why doesn’t he recognize her? Ugh. I just can’t figure it out :). This is good.

Chapter 3

Aww, come on. This feels too easy. There’s gotta be someone else who can travel in time and catch them, right?

Oh, nvm. They just weren’t cautious enough so they DID get caught.

WHAT? She let them go? This just keeps getting even more mysterious…

So they used her in an experiment to see if they could create time-traveling powers? Just a guess :).

Oh. Nope. They were seeing if she HAD the powers. Gotcha.

Chapter 4

So does her power not let her go for too long? Because otherwise she could just keep time paused.

Girl, forgetting about time travel in your moment of peril? Silly Nika.

Yes. Definitely not siblings XD. Oh well. If they look similar, I’m bound to wonder.

SHE WAS THE BEST FRIEND!!! I thought so. But the thing is - why didn’t he recognize her?

Wait, wait wait, I got this. She’s 15, then?

Wait, so she WAS experimented with to see if they could give her time travel powers. So I was right all along. Yay XD!

What!!?? Cyborg? Omg, this is just riddled with twists and it is absolutely AWESOME!!!

No WONDER it’s called Vacant Memory. This is really well written and it all works and I’m just in awe right now. Seriously, it’s awesome. Alright, last chapter in this book.

Chapter 5

WHAT??? Prison? They’re going to lock her up? Now that’s just rude and heartless. Sure, she may be dangerous, but she’s a HUMAN BEING!!! And an underaged girl at that. She doesn’t deserve to get locked up because of the government’s mistakes. No. She needs to escape. Otherwise I will be just too sad.

This has me on the edge of my seat. What are the secret service going to do to her?

Awww. They like each other. Take that, secret service. Yet another reason not to lock her up.

YES!!!! The president is mature and responsible and a GOOD HUMAN BEING!!! But it does feel a bit too easy…

WHAT??? You’re going to forgive them just like that? Not only did they do tests on you, turn you into a cyborg, take away all your memories, but they also were about to lock you up. And you FORGIVE THEM? Nika, clearly the cyborg part of you has messed with the rational part of your brain.

HER PARENTS!!! Omg, awesome cliffhanger. So is she going to find them next? Since the other memory prefaced her meeting Jeven?

Alright, overall this is really interesting and you did an amazing job. This was such an action-packed story and you’ve got such an interesting idea for the story that it just all works together and makes it awesome. The only thing I’d say is that at some points I felt like it was too easy, like it was just plot convenience for them all to get along and her not to be locked up. But that’s just me. Besides that though, I think it was great.

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7 months ago Penny Wing said:

Vacant Memory is a great story, although not without flaws. There are many spelling and grammar errors; maybe you should check over it one more time. There is also a problem with sentence fluency. Often words are repeated more than once in a sentence, making it confusing and harder to follow. There was a good use of foreshadowing in the prologue, I really liked that. However, in order to fully utilize that you need to build up the suspense more. The scene where Nikita is in front of the president, you should drag it out more; make the president seem more uncertain about what to do so the reader keeps reading. Vacant Memory is an overall good story, though, and the concept is amazing. Keep writing!