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Approximately 1 minute to read
Round 1 Winner of the March Matchup Contest! “I can see her almost perfectly in this cracked darkness.”
almost 2 years ago David Barry DeLozier said:
Wow! This is awesome. Love the imagery of the vase shattering. Your voice is compelling, the story sad but not maudlin. This subject could come off depressing but there's a nice thread of optimism in it, in the way the narrator and her sister choose to look at the situation. Great job! I look forwards to reading more of your work.
almost 2 years ago Cecílie Zelenková said:
Paper Towns is, for some reason, the only John Green book I haven't read, but I constantly see quotes from it floating around the Internet and absolutely love the one you have chosen. This is a really beautiful piece! You have some truly spectacular lines in here - "polish it with her worry," "shattered and shadowed past" - and the metaphor of the vase is creative and beautiful and heartbreaking. Went through this with my grandma, so your story really resonated for me personally. Very well done.
over 1 year ago Anna Markovka said:
Once again, this was very well written, in my opinion. There seemed to be a sort of melancholic and yet unfeeling tone to it, which worked well with the story. I also like how you used the vase to represent their mother.
The only thing I can recommend to improve the story is to make sure you aren't redundant. What I mean by that is that the beginning of a lot of your paragraphs was "the" which becomes a bit repetitive. To fix that, you could try rewording the phrases so that they're still nice but they don't need "the" in front of them.