1 chapter / 217 words

Approximately 1 minute to read


Just because someone else in the world has it worse than you, it doesn't mean you cannot feel misery.


Writing, Poetry



about 2 years ago arty said:

Wow, I really enjoyed reading this poem. I usually don't read much poetry, but this was wonderful. Your word choice was impressive, and the images that this poem created were really great. You used a lot of different imagery, and a lot of it was really relatable. The rhyming was also interesting, and it flowed overall really well. I'm sorry I can't provide more help, but I'm fairly bad at critiquing poetry. I did notice a minor grammar mistake in the beginning, you used the wrong "it's" in the first line. Other than that, I think this was well written and I'd love to read more like it. It was short and powerful and you did a great job with it.

Hilton head pic crop 2

about 2 years ago Tonya Royston said:

I thought your poem was incredible! I loved the cadence of the verses and the rhyme. It was also very powerful - I think you did a great job conveying the emotions. And you said you're not a poet? Well, I think you're very talented!


about 2 years ago Baylee Clark said:

I like the detail in it. It has a lot of imagery. I love rhythm and how well this is relatable. Some lines are a little awkward when saying them, but honestly that is so hard to do. You did an amazing job otherwise. Good job and I hope to read more of your writing soon!


about 2 years ago Sydney Stapleton said:

I thought this was okay. I didn't really connect with it though. You're describing how misery feels, but you never give the reader any understanding. The words were very empty. I think if maybe you made it into and metaphor, gave it some human traits and then reveal it at the end, that would be better.



about 2 years ago Cate Eliot said:

I liked the overall concept of the poem and how relatable it was to almost everyone. I think it could reach almost any reader. My critique would be a) there were a lot of awkward phrasing that made the poem hard to digest and distracted from the overall meaning. I would really work on smoothing them out. Reading each line aloud could be something that would help this. B) I am really opposed to A/N at the beginnings of work, especially when they try to tell how bad something is or that it's a first attempt. Just let the writing speak for itself. C) Your writing couplets were off and the rhythm distracts the reader as they know there just something a little off with the text. For the positives I really enjoyed the amount of detail you put into the poem, the diction was well chosen. With some technical work, this could be really fabulous. Good luck and happy writing.

Senior pic

about 2 years ago Maggie said:

The premise of this poem is so relatable--when nothing is outwardly wrong in your life, and yet everything is wrong; that's something I think a lot of people understand.

To be honest, though, I thought your rhyming couplets were a little distracting. Your word choice and imagery are spectacular! But your rhyme scheme feels forced, and your stress patterns don't fit into any fathomable meter. If you write in couplets, or have a structured rhyme scheme at all (as you do), you should definitely make sure your corresponding lines have the same stress structure. Your first line reads like this right now: "IT's aMAZing HOW a CHARMED LIFE can BE", or /x/x/x//x/ (where the / is stressed and the x is unstressed). Not only does this not flow very well with itself--it doesn't fall into metric feet (there are different kinds, but Shakespeare, for instance, used iambs, or syllable pairings in x/ format, whereas this seems kind of disjointed)--but it also doesn't match up with the first line of the next couplet, x/x/x/x/. That one feels better by itself since it uses iambs. But with the rest of the poem, it's again a little disjointed.

To fix this problem I would not actually restructure the whole poem. As I said before, your imagery and word choice is so descriptive; I think this would be really beautiful in free verse. Instead of trying to force it into a rhyme scheme, say what you want to say. You can keep the two-line stanzas. Just don't rhyme them. Free verse can get away with a lot that rhyming can't, because it's read pretty much like prose. Rhyming poetry, however, makes it really obvious when the lines don't fit into meter.

Finally, you have one typo where "it's hold" should be "its hold".

Other than that, though, this is really good. I feel like the rhymes are sort of veiling your beautiful metaphors and great words, so just let your words go where they will, or fit them into a structure that won't be so distracting to the reader.