The Day

The Day

1 chapter / 81 words

Approximately half a minute to read

Description:

Cover made by: Emma Faythe.

A poem about a girl who wants to be with a guy and doesn't care of the costs.

Genres:

Drama, Romance, Poetry
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Comments(94)

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3 months ago Rose K said:

VERSION WITH MY EDITS: Anything with () is my edits. Maybe the day is today, Or maybe the day is years away.

I'm so confused and so lost, (Here I think it would be better as: I'm so confused, so lost. Or: I'm so confused; so lost.) I know this ending will have a cost.

Whatever the past may be, I hope He'll always think of me.

But even though I know he lies, I can't bear to say goodbye. (Here lies and goodbye don't rhyme, but lies and goodbyes rhyme, so I think it would be better as: Even though I know he lies, I can't bear to say my goodbyes.)

I'm just so confused and so lost, (Same thing here with the other one, choose the one that you chose for up there.) I know this ending will have a cost.

And maybe the day is years away, But I really hope that day is today.

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Overall I though it was a really great piece, lots of talent with rhyming, and the plot was good as well.

Thanks! :) ~Rose K

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3 months ago Aayet Mushtaq said:

Wow! This is one of those poems that is short and deep at the same time. I especially loved the use of refrain.

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3 months ago Noceurx said:

Despite its short length, the intended message comes through quite well! The couplets keep a good rhythm and the rhyme scheme isn't cheesy at all. I think the style in which you wrote this poem was a great decision, mirroring the emotions of the story nicely.

If I had to make any suggestions, it would be to change "can't" to "cannot" in the 4th couplet. That was the only place the flow broke for me. And maaaybe you could elaborate more on the situation for some drama, though personally, I like the way it is ^-^ It's more mysterious without the details~.

Excellent work, and happy writing ^0^

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over 1 year ago Faith Jones said:

This was an interesting poem, it was short and sweet. It was also to the point and flowed well, I enjoyed it. Thanks!!

Reviews(38)

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3 months ago Mina Autumn said:

I like this poem. I feel that it's hard to review poetry, because I don't want to sound too harsh or critical, but I also want to help the author. So with that said, this review isn't too serious. The poem is great without taking my advice or not, and I appreciate how you poured your emotions into the poem. My only critique is that it's a bit repetitive. I'm not sure if that was on purpose, or if that's what you want the poem to be, but it was something I noticed. I really did have a lovely time reading this, and I hope you write some more poems soon. Thank you for your time and have a lovely day :)

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3 months ago Mariella Baird said:

This was great honestly. I loved the use of the couplet meter to accent certain lines in the poem. I also loved the repetition, and the way you used reflected repetition when you went from "I think this ending..." to "I know this ending..." Very subtle, but meaningful. In the fourth stanza, the flow was kind of interrupted by the use of can't. I personally try not to use contractions because that was how I was taught to write, but that's just a suggestion. Either way, a very sturdy and good poem!

To swap, please read the prologue and chapter 1 of Jacked In, or 2 to 3 poems from All The Little Words. Don't hesitate to give honest feedback! Thanks