(Old Version) Ranger Of Path

(Old Version) Ranger Of Path

26 chapters / 63827 words

Approximately about 5 hours to read

Description:

Until a week ago Ishkur was a shell for a demigod in an adventuring band that shook empires. Now struggling to survive in a country ravaged by holy war, he starts to follow his own path to glory.

Comments(8)

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almost 2 years ago Evi B. said:

This was a very interesting read. I don't think I've ever read anything quite like this. You get the audience hooked right away which is nice. I loved the colours you added to represent the three others and this coloured pentagon.

The only critique I would have is that sometimes it seems like there is so much going on that the reader doesn't know what to think or what is going on. Find a way in kind of slowing down the plot, not by a lot, but just for a bit, maybe explaining everything a bit more.

Other than that, it was an interesting read. Good work.

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about 2 years ago Andrea Taylor said:

I read the first and second chapter and it's really cool! I love the imagery. It reminds me of an adventure game. Ishkur is a very well developed character. I'm drawn into this book. Looking forward to reading more about it! :)

941rak9y

about 2 years ago AJ said:

I'm hooked! Love it!

Authorhsharp

about 2 years ago aaron mitchell said:

There's a really interesting world developing here. And there are nice touches of detail and intrigue at the start, hinting at things that I'm curious to find out. Very nice.

Reviews(25)

Coast

almost 2 years ago HT Fallen said:

Chapter 1:

believe you, [F]ather, but I'm still

in [B]rownie - should this be capitalized, since it's a language?

Okay[,] Icarus

square of paper is in Ishkur's hand - was it there the whole time or did it appear? I feel like a clearer verb might help

This is an interesting chapter. I'm not really sure what's going on, and it's hard to read it in the context of an opening chapter (given that I've read so much of the story). But it definitely sets up an interesting plot, one that I'm curious to see relate back to the parts of the book that I've read.

I feel like we get a better grip on Ishkur in this introductory chapter than the first time around. We get that he's not too thrilled about the murder, and he's kind of wary and uncertain. I liked seeing that side to him, and I think it's good to have it in the beginning.

So try not to get your head cut off - hah

On the whole, cool chapter.

Coast

about 2 years ago HT Fallen said:

Chapter 8:

Oh no, the last chapter.

I'm really not sure I understand the flow of this story, plot-wise. First he wanders into town and has to fight a vampiress and her ghoulish girls, then that's over, then he has to deal with brownies and frogheads, and then that's over, and now he's gone on the run with three girls and a mule, leaving his stronghold behind, which he meant to be defending because of the darkness lurking beneath and the people coming to meet him. I'm just not really sure what the overarching plot is.

"What I can do is travel faster alone." - I'm not sure why he's keeping them around, then? Just because they want to come? He doesn't seem very concerned with other peoples' feelings.

walking[,] Protector

I like the little bit of history we get during the walk. It helps clear things up.

I still feel like I don't really have any connection to Ishkur. He just ... does things. I don't really have a grasp on his motivation or his morality. He just is, and it's hard to really empathize/sympathize with a character like that.

He slaps his sergeant's ass - didn't get this. He's saying they're soldiers, not bumpkins, then he treats them like whores. Whichever way it goes, it's cool. It just feels a little inconsistent right now.

camp's false dawn - nice line

chime[,] the world

Well, I'm excited - hah!

softly hungry.["]

Wish is getting kind of sketchy. She seems a touch insane, and not very clever, leading that girl down there. It's her fault, inasmuch as it is Ishkur's, but she's got this childish refusal to acknowledge her own guilt.

Wow, this chapter is long. Have you ever thought about breaking up the chapters a little more?

This might be the last time I'm in the mood for you - sheesh, Ish. Nice guy.

power[,] Sergeant

faster [than] the giant's

It's good to see him being kind of nice to Cevee.

The whole "implanting" thing's kinda creepy. Nifty, evolution-wise, but creepy. Kinda squicks me out.

Hugging the mule with to its chest - extra word

We'll [lose] the baby

Man, this is grotesque

This chapter feels really, really long. It might pay to break it up, give the reader a break or a stopping point. There have been quite a few scene changes throughout, and I feel like any one of those could easily be a chapter break.

Ahhhh, cool. We get to see Hildr.