A Little Frayed, A Little Worn

A Little Frayed, A Little Worn

2 chapters / 3113 words

Approximately 16 minutes to read

Description:

WIP COPYRIGHT 2015\\ // When Sloane discovers that she's dying, she and her best friends embark on a journey to complete their "Obtainable Bucket List". As they search for the meaning and value in life, they also find a sense of freedom, adventure, and revenge. But when Sloane's secrets and decisions catch up with her, the lives of both herself and others hang in the balance.

Genres:

Drama, Novel, Adventure

Comments(30)

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over 2 years ago KamiLee Woodring said:

I only read the first chapter since it was so long and I have so many more swaps to get to. Can I just say, holy descriptive language. It's beautiful. I love the name Sloane, even though I don't think I'm pronouncing it right.

Anyways, I love your plot and concept. I saw very little grammatical errors, but some were just fragmented sentences. No biggie. I love how you express the relationship between Sloane and Spencer. Also how much he cares for her and knows her, I have a relationship like that with my boyfriend since we've been friends for so long. I find it ironic how she thinks he forgets about her when he goes home, that's something pretty much every girl can relate to.

Amazing job writing and I hope to come read more after I finish these swaps. :) Keep writing!

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over 2 years ago Dani Acero said:

Nice style, I'm impressed. Keep it up.

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over 2 years ago Megannah Eyre said:

Wow... this truly is amazing. Your attention to detail, especially with the descriptions was mind blowing. The over all flow was great and I didn't really see any major grammatical issues because the writing was so good!!

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over 2 years ago Skye said:

nice touch in the second chapter

Reviews(18)

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over 2 years ago Abby said:

Sorry it took me so long to get to this but here are the note I made wile reading. ([] add or edit, {} remove)

Chapter 1:

"His menacing frame fills my doorframe." Try to avoid repeating the same words. Maybe say "His menacing figure".

"We run down the concrete path{,} towards town[,] leaving the tranquil nature behind."

Chapter 2:

Maybe explain little bit more at the beginning of the chapter the relationship between her and her dad because I was a little confused at how normal it sounded after the flashback to the night before. Also, you should get into the fathers character a little more, like why he is the way he is.

Overall the was very well written. The plot sucked me right in. You do a pretty good job at showing what Sloane is feeling throughout and allow the readers to get inside her head. The only thing I would say is maybe add a few more descriptions. You start out the first chapter with a great on but after that the reader kinda has to guess what everything looks like and where they are. I think adding more detail would flesh out your story a little more and make it even more entertaining to read. I liked the mystery you provided at the very beginning with the bloody nose and cut on her face and how you didn't come right out and say how she got it. Very good job

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over 2 years ago Sammi L. said:

All in all, I really like this so far. It's a very interesting story. Initially, I was only going to read the first chapter, but I found myself hooked so I had to move onto the second one :)

Now my thoughts~

First things first, this is very well written, with few grammatical errors, so well done there. I love your descriptions; the scenes are easy to visualise, and there's great insight into how Sloane feels, her personality and character etc. I think her character has been developed fairly well. In fact, all the characters have been developed well, and I'm already intrigued by what will happen between Spencer and Sloane (I mean, sure, they're only friends...for now o.O I'll be disappointed if everything remains completely platonic, haha). I thought the flashback was a bit full on, but it sounded realistic enough; I felt scared for Sloane at that point.

Suggestion: in the flashback, Sloane refers to her father as 'daddy', but then she appears very cold towards him in the second chapter. To remain consistent with this idea of their relationship, I would change the first one to 'dad' (although this is just me being nit-picky, so feel free to ignore!) Also, I find it surprising how Sloane can just act like the previous night didn't happen, how she can even speak to him let alone have him take her to the doctors. But that's just a thought.

The father seems like a very fickle character. First he's drunk and abusive, then he's condescending, then he's trying to apologise for his unforgivable behaviour (I'm glad Sloane walked away at that point, by the way -good for her). It's hard to gauge what really goes on in his mind, but it would be interesting to gain some insight into his character.

Suggestion: In the second chapter, when the song plays, I would italicise the lyrics so it's easier to distinguish between speech and song.

Overall, this is amazing so far. I have barely any suggestions given that this is such a good piece already. Though I'm curious as to where the story is going; there's an interesting combination of tags, and I certainly look forward to seeing how this will unfold. Great job!