GA(y)ME

GA(y)ME

1 chapter / 5635 words

Approximately 28 minutes to read

Description:

"Have you ever noticed that gay guys get all the chicks?" It started out as just a harmless observation - a silly experiment. No-one's feelings were supposed to get involved. No-one's heart was supposed to get broken.
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Originally an entry for the 1st Figgy Idol competition finals, with the prompt of writing a story incorporating six randomly-generated objects. (Camera, piano, grey bow (ribbon), shovel, magnet, bottle of perfume)
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All cover images from Google and property of their respective owners/creators.

Comments(4)

Aarmau

about 1 month ago Kiki Zapotos said:

No offence I wish you would take out the swear words... But I love you're books!

Images

about 1 month ago Meghan said:

I really loved this!

Avatar-thumb

2 months ago Toria Hicks said:

Great story! Easy to read, interesting, good unique and original plot, great job!

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2 months ago xasin said:

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Reviews(3)

20160421_142919000_ios

about 1 year ago Firnila Foster said:

Obviously, Figment wanted to screw with my head today and decided to post a blank review. Sorry about that.

Cover, Title and Synopsis

As always, the title is very clever. How do you come up with them? :o

And the Converse—nice touch.

GA(y)ME

-‘No!’ he says. I like this already. :P

-"...Malcolm [pulled out a folder from his backpack] and opened..." I think this flows better.

-Wow, that is a lot of exclamation marks. Sandeep must be really excited. :P

-"The plan seemed great so far." I feel like this sentence is a bit jarring over here. It's better if you just start with, "Malcolm had to admit..." because Malcolm hasn't executed the plan yet.

-"...Peer Gynt [suite]..." And I love those pieces—especially ‘In the Hall of The Mountain King’.

-""...another damn report again[,] it'll be too soon!" Annette groaned and lay back again." Not entirely sure about the comma, but the ‘again’ can be replaced.

-"Malcolm watched her go {for a few moments} before shaking himself..." I don't think that's required.

-"[He] also tried not to notice..."

Suggestions

Okay, so, suggestions. Honestly, I'm stumped here. The one thing I would like you to consider is expanding the shopping bit a little. I mean they are shopping for something neither of them would ever wear. Also, I don't think the Converse ever figured into your story. :P

Overall

This was a great story! I really like how you described Rebecca; all the attention was immediately pulled towards her. The characterisation was good too. When I reached the part where Sandeep tells Rebecca that Malcolm isn't gay, I wanted to punch Sandeep. -_-

But yay for happy endings! I knew Rebecca was a nice person. :D. Now Malcolm and Rebecca can get a fresh start.

I like how the story began with a light-hearted vein, with Malcolm asking Sandeep to keep his trap shut, and then went on to pick up such an important issue. You delivered the message about how marginalised the LGBT+ people feel splendidly. And then there was the part about Rebecca saying that women want to treated like people.

*sigh* I don't think I'm the right person to critique this story—a little too biased to it. XD

Keep writing!

Firnila

20160421_142919000_ios

about 1 year ago Firnila Foster said: