Playing the Friend Zone *Editing*

Playing the Friend Zone *Editing*

31 chapters / 67654 words

Approximately about 6 hours to read

Description:

Just when you think you're about to break free of the deadly best friend zone, some jerk has to come and ruin it all. At least, this is the case for Garrett's longtime crush on his best friend, Keira, when an old friend of theirs shows up. As their Senior Year of high school approaches, Garrett and Keira must learn the life lessons of what it means to be friends in a world that has everything coming to a close, all while Garrett and Jake fight for Keira's heart.

Completed 2nd draft: Ch. 1

Comments(17)

Olaf sketch

about 2 years ago Cora J. Balser said:

I don't think there are enough words in the English vocabulary -- or in any language, for that matter -- to express how much I LOVE this story. I love the tone, the voices, the writing technique (alternating narration), the characters, the banter, the nerdy references, the romance... and the ENDING. OH! MY! WORD! It's the perfect ending, and the perfect beginning -- especially the last few statements Garret makes about the future. It was just beautiful. It was poetry. It was the best dang touchdown this world has ever known!!! Hanna Banana, you have written a wonderful story, and I am eternally grateful! ^_^

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about 2 years ago Summer said:

YES! What a totally satisfying ending! I love how Keira ended up with Garrett :D I feel really bad for Jake because he's so genuinely in love with Keira, but he made a hard decision because he wants what's best for her. He's such an awesome guy. Is there going to be another chapter/epilogue?

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about 2 years ago Summer said:

Yikes. That went downhill fast. I'm so frustrated because I just want Jake to be happy, but I want Keira and Garrett to be happy too, and now Garrett's moving away and he totally ruined everything. Is this the climax or are there worse things yet to come? :P

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about 2 years ago Summer said:

Ooh, Garret's transferring? I hope not. I think he just needs to give Keira some time. If I was in her position, I wouldn't know what to do either! Picking between Jake and Garrett is way too hard xD

Reviews(14)

Prof

about 1 year ago Lily Chen said:

I will be taking notes as I read so apologies if what I say doesn't really make any sense. :)

What Insurance Is For

"...a kind of firework that was abundant in Wyoming and illegal in Colorado." Maybe it's because you use Wyoming so close together in the same sentence, but it makes the entire thing sound cluttered. I would suggest changing it to "a kind of firework that was abundant there and illegal in Colorado."

"'You know, for someone with a lot of book smarts, you sure lack the lot for common sense,' Shawnie says..." Uh maybe it's just me, but I don't really understand the second part of that sentence.

"Smartest kid in school didn't always win Garrett the 'coolest kid' award..." Again, the repetition of "kid" interrupts flow.

"...but it did wind him up in my circle..." The way this is structure makes it sound a little off. Maybe change it to: "but he did wind up in my circle..."

"...next thing we know, we were attached at the hip..." To keep consistent with the past tense, I would suggest changing it to "next thing we knew"

OVERALL: First of all, I love the premise of your story and judging by your first chapter and writing style, I think your unique voice will put an interesting spin on a well-established topic. In this first chapter, you did a good job on establishing character dynamics and allowing the reader to understand their motives, thoughts, feelings toward each other. My main concern was your tendency to repeat certain words very close together. Other than that, this was an enjoyable read and I wish the best of luck in editing this. Happy writing!

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about 1 year ago Jennie F. Lee said:

Hi Hannah! This is for our swap :) Please remember that these are just suggestions.

CHAPTER ONE::

A lot of people have told me that starting off the story with dialogue right off the bat isn't the best way to start a story off. I don't exactly know why but a lot of people have told me this for my stories, so I might as well tell you too in case you consider editing the beginning :)

I like how you explain the relationship between Shawnie and Garrett. I kind of wish you did that for the relationship between Shawnie and the main character (I think her name is Keira? I read the summary but I might be wrong on the main character's name). Like are Keira and Shawnie good friends too or do they just know each other through Garrett?

Garrett seems hot so far, by the way, just saying ;D

When Keira tells Garrett to 'just light it up already', you use the verb 'say' again. I think you could use a different word like 'snap' or something so it's a little less repetitive, and it's a little more natural sounding.

When you write Keira describing the firework moving to face a fifteen degree angle outward... here it just seems a little awkward reading this sentence. Maybe the mathematics is getting to me? Also, since this is a first person narrator, keep in mind that Keira may not be a reliable narrator. Readers should only be getting thoughts that Keira is thinking. I wouldn't expect Keira to be a math wiz to deduce that the firework moved exactly fifteen degrees. The mathematics description could work better if you told this in third person, but since you're telling it in first person I think it would sound better if you changed it to something Keira would think or delete this part, because you later say that the firework moves to point towards the new Lamborghini.

I really like how you compared the tree and Christmas. Really good imagery you did there.

Remind me why Keira and Garrett are friends again? Or how they became friends? I might have missed that part. The thought just occurred to me when I read the part where Keira is surprised when Garrett didn't seem bothered that they set the tree on fire.

Good job on this :) This was a good read. Thanks for swapping! :)