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Off the Page contest winner! Carly finds a young prince in her basement and is struggling to deal with the fictional character coming to life. *note -> Varied Flags and Covered Lies are both made up books and products of my imagination*
almost 2 years ago R. E. Durbin said:
Aha. That last line. She's got not one, but two fictional characters in her basement and all Carly can think about is her phone. Brilliant. Remind me to never ask her for help when writing a novel.
I liked how the second boy (and isn't THAT telling? Two boys appearing) took the change a lot better. Figures he would, bring a scientist. That prince just wouldn't get it. It really must be her basement...or cell...or wishlist?? Hmmm, that thing DID disappear, if you recall.
All in all, I enjoyed this. I wish you luck in the contest. Keep up the writing.
almost 2 years ago C.L.Crawford 카립소 리아딘 said:
Amazing! I loved the story, very humorous! The dialogue was perfect and considering there is a word limit, you did amazing with what little you were given. Maybe you could consider making it longer after the contest? Anyways, you did great! It has a nice pacing and I love how Carly seems almost ready to lose her mind! Good luck with the contest!
almost 2 years ago Shaquila Sarapao said:
The story was fine. I loved the dialogue and the ending, but I also think there needs to be a reason as to why they are there (although there is the 1,000 word limit).
almost 2 years ago Everest Neverlynn said:
This is adorable! I LOVE it! The idea of characters randomly coming to life in her basement! And they way she handles things! Its hilarious!
almost 2 years ago Rachel Rauch said:
Overall: Overall I think the story is great. I get that at the end, her list happens to be in her phone so the characters are coming out of her phone. Which is pretty awesome by the way. However, there were some grammatical errors that need to be fixed. Thanks for sharing this with me and good luck!
Grammatical Errors: Change "she not only managed to misplaced the list" to "She not only managed to misplace the list" or "She not only misplaced the list". Delete the comma between "character" and "she" in the sentence "but got slightly distracted by a favorite character, she was now thinking about taking off the list". Add a comma between "said" and "smiling" in the sentence "he said smiling". The sentence "I need to get to school" needs a period. And the sentence that ends with "keep you occupied" needs a period instead of a comma. Instead of "My life is going insane" it should be "I'm going insane" or "My life is insane" because "My life is going insane" doesn't make sense.
almost 2 years ago Vanishing Starlight said:
I really like your entry, and it amuses me that your character gets heavily concerned about her phone in the end while characters are coming to life xD I also think the young boy's manner of speech was done very well. Nice job. The only thing I might considered is why is it so important that this character came to life or what about this book connects with the main character so much? I think it might make the story more complex/deeper if you answer those questions (although the word limit might make it hard to do so). But since you aren't too close to the word limit, I think you have the potential to make it work :)
And thank you for the comment on my own story! I fixed the typo you pointed out.