Those Three Years

Those Three Years

6 chapters / 11497 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

[Novel - in progress] Going from high school into college may be an easy transition for most people, but not for Alyssa. As she struggles with family and her decisions for the future, she finds comfort in her new friend Pierce who shows her what young love really feels like, and just how painfully wonderful it can be.

Genres:

Drama, Romance, Novel

Comments(18)

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over 2 years ago Selcouth said:

Okay so when I read writings I love when people go into detail about what the characters are doing so I can visualize it better and you did a great job doing that. I really like your prologue and as I continued to read I loved it even more. Amazing job keep up the good work.

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over 2 years ago Jennie F. Lee said:

Hi! This is for our swap:) I read the prologue and the first chapter. Nice job so far:) I like Alyssa's narration and your writing flows really well. At first I wasn't sure if Riley was a girl or a guy because I've seen both cases so I finally noticed she was a girl in the middle of chapter one. Very nice so far:) Thanks for swapping:)

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over 2 years ago Sydney Lacroix said:

For our Swap:

Whatever you are doing keep going because your writing is like a guilty pleasure and I get this high from it all...it takes you to a place maybe an uncomfortable place for many.

~Sydney

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over 2 years ago jaz said:

I read the prologue and chap 1. The prologue was vague, rather expected for every book so its mo problem. I prefer that the paragraphs be separated though.

For chap 1 i like the talk about jonas. So did she figure out he was gay right there or was it before and still went to the prom with him? I agree with her mother that she has to go to college. Whats waiting another 4 years? Its not like she'll be too old by then.

Reviews(8)

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over 2 years ago CEMO said:

Prologue:

Be careful with prologues, because they're not always necessary. I think this shows the reader your writing style and the main conflict of the story effectively, but unfortunately it is problematic in the grammar department. You don't keep a constant verb tense. For a more in depth explanation of this, check out the third chapter of The Grammar Guide on my page.

First Chapter:

IB, WHOOP WHOOP! I totally relate to the main character at that point. I could never do full IB and a lot of my friends have almost entirely quit. It's so time consuming!

So, first I'll tell you what I liked about the first chapter. I liked the conflict at the end and the pacing of your writing. I laughed at the internet references (although I don't think her little brother would be a brony).

What I didn't like was that there wasn't enough conflict early on. It wasn't a good hook, having her talk to her friend and Dad for the majority of the chapter about things that weren't conflicting. Although it did make the mother's actions at the end matter more, illustrating Alyssa's love for dance could have been done in a much more fluid way so that the reader gets to the action even before it begins. (By the way, I had to scan the story a second time to find out what the protagonist's name was. I'm pretty sure you only mentioned it once near the end of the chapter.)

Also, once I did get to the conflict I found it to be a bit unrealistic and cliché. Parents do this all of the time, but there's got to be something weird with her mom if this has been the first time she's brought this up with her daughter after paying for years of dance lessons. Maybe Alyssa could already know how her Mom feels and you could hint to it throughout the chapter, making the reader wonder what is going on between her and her mother. Then, at the end you could have the fight and the reader would be introduced to the conflict. This would fix the lack of conflict problem while keeping your first chapter essentially the same. I'm not sure if this would conflict with the rest of your story but it's just a suggestion.

A final note is that after reading the first chapter I feel that the prologue was unnecessary. It's making me confused about the main conflict in the story. Is it a boy or is it her dream of dance? (Please be the dream of dance.) Even if there is a romantic interest in the book, I think it would be more exciting if the reader found out later. It's one of those things that people like to be surprised about.

That's all! I hope that you're able to finish this. Have lots of fun writing it and don't worry too much about editing before you've completed it.

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over 2 years ago Abby said:

Sorry it took me so long to get to this but here are my notes. ([] means edit/add)

The Prologue:

"I want that, I [thought] to myself as I watched…"

"It [was] movies like that [that gave me hope of finding someone] who could fulfill…" The wording of this was originally a little awkward, I think this clears it up a bit.

"also reminded me how easy it [was] to lose it."

Chapter 1:

Is her guy friends name Jason or Jonas cause I think it switched?

'rolled over to get up from my bed[,] and made my way to the kitchen."

"I still didn't quite understand what he did for a living[.] Whatever he did[,] he seemed to be [overworked]."

"I [would be] almost an exact replica of my mom if I…"

This was a good start! I like the way you showed a lot about Alyssa's interest and goals. Maybe add a little more to show her personality but other than that this was good. As I am a dancer with parents dead set on college I can relate in part to some of this as well. Good job!