Those Three Years

Those Three Years

6 chapters / 11497 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

[Novel - in progress] Going from high school into college may be an easy transition for most people, but not for Alyssa. As she struggles with family and her decisions for the future, she finds comfort in her new friend Pierce who shows her what young love really feels like, and just how painfully wonderful it can be.

Genres:

Drama, Romance, Novel

Comments(19)

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about 2 years ago J said:

Okay so when I read writings I love when people go into detail about what the characters are doing so I can visualize it better and you did a great job doing that. I really like your prologue and as I continued to read I loved it even more. Amazing job keep up the good work.

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about 2 years ago Jennie F. Lee said:

Hi! This is for our swap:) I read the prologue and the first chapter. Nice job so far:) I like Alyssa's narration and your writing flows really well. At first I wasn't sure if Riley was a girl or a guy because I've seen both cases so I finally noticed she was a girl in the middle of chapter one. Very nice so far:) Thanks for swapping:)

Sydney profilepic

about 2 years ago Sydney Lacroix said:

For our Swap:

Whatever you are doing keep going because your writing is like a guilty pleasure and I get this high from it all...it takes you to a place maybe an uncomfortable place for many.

~Sydney

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over 2 years ago Miranda Rider said:

Read the fourth chapter and I absolutely loved it! Again the conversation between Riley and Alyssa was awesome, like typical teenage girls. I also loved how you bumped up the description level then before, made it ten times better! Looking forward to the next one!

Reviews(9)

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about 2 years ago CEMO said:

Prologue:

Be careful with prologues, because they're not always necessary. I think this shows the reader your writing style and the main conflict of the story effectively, but unfortunately it is problematic in the grammar department. You don't keep a constant verb tense. For a more in depth explanation of this, check out the third chapter of The Grammar Guide on my page.

First Chapter:

IB, WHOOP WHOOP! I totally relate to the main character at that point. I could never do full IB and a lot of my friends have almost entirely quit. It's so time consuming!

So, first I'll tell you what I liked about the first chapter. I liked the conflict at the end and the pacing of your writing. I laughed at the internet references (although I don't think her little brother would be a brony).

What I didn't like was that there wasn't enough conflict early on. It wasn't a good hook, having her talk to her friend and Dad for the majority of the chapter about things that weren't conflicting. Although it did make the mother's actions at the end matter more, illustrating Alyssa's love for dance could have been done in a much more fluid way so that the reader gets to the action even before it begins. (By the way, I had to scan the story a second time to find out what the protagonist's name was. I'm pretty sure you only mentioned it once near the end of the chapter.)

Also, once I did get to the conflict I found it to be a bit unrealistic and cliché. Parents do this all of the time, but there's got to be something weird with her mom if this has been the first time she's brought this up with her daughter after paying for years of dance lessons. Maybe Alyssa could already know how her Mom feels and you could hint to it throughout the chapter, making the reader wonder what is going on between her and her mother. Then, at the end you could have the fight and the reader would be introduced to the conflict. This would fix the lack of conflict problem while keeping your first chapter essentially the same. I'm not sure if this would conflict with the rest of your story but it's just a suggestion.

A final note is that after reading the first chapter I feel that the prologue was unnecessary. It's making me confused about the main conflict in the story. Is it a boy or is it her dream of dance? (Please be the dream of dance.) Even if there is a romantic interest in the book, I think it would be more exciting if the reader found out later. It's one of those things that people like to be surprised about.

That's all! I hope that you're able to finish this. Have lots of fun writing it and don't worry too much about editing before you've completed it.

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over 2 years ago Miranda Rider said:

Here for the swap!

-So I noticed that there was a prologue type styled first chapter was that actually the first chapter??

-I love how Alyssa and her friend Riley talk towards each other on the phone. It's more conversational and how teenagers talk rather having them talk like two business woman negotiating a deal if you get what I'm saying

-I'm wondering why her parents put her through all those years of dance lessons, but now are telling her that she's not good enough to make it?

-Brendan (or brandon whatever it is) Was a well thought out character, but could use a tad more description on his part.

-I didn't read the bio for but when you started describing Pierce and how much detail you were putting in to the description, I could just tell That Alyssa would some how end up with Pierce in some way. Maybe just in that case back of the descriptions just a smidge so it's not too obvious.

-I thought Alyssa not being able to catch up with Pierce and Brandon was hilarious, yet a little weird. You'd think dancing most of your life you'd have a decent amount of stamina.

In the end, I loved your story. The protagonist was a predictable teenage girl which most people can relate to, and the plot seems like it could go in a million different directions. There's a few mistakes here and there you could fix but other then that it is really good! All you have to do is fix the grammatical mistakes here and there then your golden! Can't wait to read more! :)