Son of Mischief

Son of Mischief

1 chapter / 1700 words

Approximately 9 minutes to read

Description:

War is brewing among the Fae.

Genres:

Writing, Fantasy, Novel

Comments(1)

54887-lonely-girl

over 2 years ago Hana said:

I really enjoyed this first chapter, and hope to see more soon. The dialogue was funny and original. His surprise seemed genuine, unlike some generic high school horror writings. The description of the girl was beautiful, especially the line "She had a quiet beauty about her, all dark outlines and shadows, etc." So chock full of gorgeous imagery. Leave a comment on mu profile when you update! I'd love to know.

Reviews(1)

22

over 2 years ago Jennie F. Lee said:

Hi! This is for our swap:) Please remember that these are all just suggestions:)

CHAPTER ONE::

When the speaker comments about how the girl keeps staring at them, I think you should add more about how the person feels when they realize the girl keeps staring at them. Like I would feel pretty unsettled, don't you think?

Caoimhe is an Irish name, right? Lol still don't know how to pronounce it unless I get the prounuciation haha :P XD

Maybe you could add in or elaborate if anyone else in the class noticed that the girl hadn't been called.

WHOAA the guy brought a snake into the school? I would be so scared hahahaha. Robin's quite a rebel :P Maybe mention why he doesn't like Principal Williams?

Describe the girl more too. Like besides her green eyes, what hair color does she have? Does her expression resemble an animal's intense gaze?

Man that girl is creepy. Pretty intense ending. Good job!:) Thanks for swapping!:)