I Wish I May

I Wish I May

16 chapters / 40282 words

Approximately about 3 hours to read

Description:

Fairy Godmother in training, Zelda Ravensdale is starting her fourth and final year at Madame LeBleu's school for godmothers. She hopes to earn the title of First Fairy and graduate at the top of her class, but there are forces working against her. With a prince in distress, a manipulative ex, and a secret mission from Madame LeBleu herself to distract her, Zelda soon wonders if she will even get her wings. Will Zelda be able to balance homework, friendship and even romance while the fate of the country rests in her hands?

Comments(20)

Watermelon

over 1 year ago Shelby Fox said:

This just keeps getting betterer and betterer :)

Photo on 9-23-15 at 4.16 pm

over 1 year ago L. R. Bauer said:

Chapter Sixteen:

I like that you've added in the mystery of the elf in the shoe store. I have a feeling it's going to propel the plot forward.

D’aw, the will you be my girlfriend bit:)

“Zelda stared in the window for a good half hour…” Yes, I am going to be that person and ask, “Really? An entire half hour?” I could see five or ten minutes, but not a full thirty. She has to get back before curfew. She can’t afford to let her curiosity get the better of her for a full thirty minutes.

Hmm, methinks the shoe Emporium is using elves as illegal slave labor late at night.

“...but then reconsidered.” Why did she reconsider telling Imogen about the elf she saw?

“...one of her favorite professors suddenly saw her as nothing more the a love-sick school girl…” It should be "than" after "more."

Thanks for posting the update! I need my Zelda and Leo fix:)

Photo on 9-23-15 at 4.16 pm

over 1 year ago L. R. Bauer said:

Chapter Fifteen:

“When Zelda awoke the following morning, groggy and bleary eyed.” Change to "Zelda awoke..."

“Still she couldn’t stop grinning…” Put a comma after "Still."

“When they got to Charms class…” "Got" is a filler word. Try "arrived" instead.

Oh my goodness, as a teacher I would be so frustrated with the student who burst out with the news about Leo and the unknown female.

Ha ha, I like that the boys at Lord Scarlet’s are betting on who the mystery girl with the prince is.

“Hello, Unknown Female. Your backside is famous!” Ha ha!

“As far as I know every girl wants it…” Comma after "know."

“Though her shoes moving her through the steps, Zelda had trouble knowing what to do with arms.” Change to "Though the shoes moved her through the steps, Zelda had trouble knowing what to do with her arms."

“My presence at event like that would probably draw attention…” Add "an" before "event."

“She quickly recognized as Leo’s sister.” Add "her" after "recognized."

I wonder what Astara's wish will be.

All in all another good chapter. It's getting pretty steamy between Zelda and Leo, ha ha;)

Photo on 9-23-15 at 4.16 pm

over 1 year ago L. R. Bauer said:

Chapter Fourteen

Ah, a date and a kiss? You're spoiling us, Adelyn:)

“She tried not to let the flattery of the situation say her.” I think you mean "sway."

I liked that Zelda had the opportunity to grant a wish for someone else.

“Her and Imogen still hadn’t thought up a name yet.” Change "Her" to "She."

“She could either stay safely in the dorms and Zelda placed the kitten back in his basket and quietly slipped on her shoes.” It seems like you squished two separate sentences together by accident.

“I would have waited all night.” Awww!

“...and then I was running, and her you are.” "Her" should be "here."

I liked that Zelda ran to meet Leo in sweatpants and then used magic to change her outfit.

Leo shrugged. “I hadn’t noticed,” It should be a period after "noticed."

“He inclined his head towards, locking eyes with her in a look of determination.”

I have a question about the whole ten o'clock curfew thing. Does one of the professors come around and make sure all of the girls are in their rooms by ten? Or do the doors lock at ten? Couldn't she poof back into her room with no one the wiser? Or is there some sort of magic around Madame LeBleu's preventing her from doing this?

Reviews(3)

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over 1 year ago Rachel Rauch said:

Chapter Three

Overall: Overall, you are an phenomenal writer who has crafted such a beautiful story that you make me jealous of your talent. I wish I could write as perfectly as you but occasionally I find a grammatical error and I think nobody's really perfect and that's okay since it's only your first or second draft. In this chapter, I again had trouble with your setting and the ending didn't really move the story forward as well as I'd like. I can think of adding something like "And Zelda smiled at the thought of Thaddeus chasing and achieving just like she would in less than ___ months." Other than that, I love it and I love ALL of your writing. Keep writing! I must read the rest!

Story: Your setting is a little confusing to me. No college in the 21st century has bells. If universities had bells, no one would be able to get any sleep because the bells are going off almost every hour of the night. If this is a high school it doesn't seem to be structured like one.

I have to add emphasis on how I think the endings to your second and third chapters leave something to be desired. They don't have the perfect rightness that the ending to your first chapter has. This reader wants to know what the character thinks. How does it all tie back to her desire to be a fairy godmother? Just like an essay you want to tie each chapter back to your "thesis" which is "Zelda wants to be a fairy godmother" so your job as the writer is to prove to your reader how much she wants it.

Grammatical Errors: I caught a few forgotten words or typos but nothing that can't be fixed with a careful read through or a helpful editor. For example, you forgot the word "they" between "desks" and "would" in the sentence "The class assembled, picking the desks would sit in for the year." Also, shouldn't GIT be capitalized since it's an acronym? Or it could be GiT because the word "in" is usually not included in an acronym. You need to change "Us to" to "Us too".

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over 1 year ago Rachel Rauch said:

Overall: Overall, this story is still so amazing! You are a beautiful story teller and I can't wait to read the rest of what you have. I only found one grammatical error, but I didn't find the ending very satisfying. Other than that, I loved it.

Grammatical Errors: Some of your pronouns are a little bit ambiguous. When your describing a room and it says "it" when you've been describing tiles, your readers get confused. For example, when it says "The black and white tiles sparkled like they were brand new, and Zelda had it all to herself" I'm a little confused as to what "it" refers to. After the second time reading it over I knew you meant the room but I wasn't able to see that the first time because you were just describing a different object entirely.

Story: The end of the chapter doesn't feel like much of a cliffhanger or rather really anything more than an entire drop in the story. It feels as if it's just a statement and you could have a much longer chapter.