1 chapter / 1200 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read


It is the final hours of Great War between Waeter and Faria that tore the world apart. A mysterious figure, Lucas, arrives onto the battle to Seth Maerian, a boy chosen to bring about the end.

The story written for this contest came out over 3500 words. This is the shortened version, which fits the 1200 word limit. The full story will be uploaded.


Sports day

over 6 years ago Alison L. said:

Lots of tags!! :PP

Wow this is so amazing! The effort that you put into this is clearly visible. :) Congrats and good luck with the competition!

PS: May I so humbly ask if you could read a recent short story of mine? THANK YOU!!

Don't panic

over 6 years ago Cassy S said:

I really don't know what to say that I didn't cover in my review. Awesome stuff. Very clever, I think.


over 6 years ago Ali Renee said:

Um, whoa? That was intense. While I really liked it, it was very, very fastpaced and sort of confusing. It was like you tried to pack a novel into 1200 words. While I love your premise, I feel that you could possibly try to clear it up a bit and make it cleaner and a bit less confusing. That is not to say I did not like it, because I did, but it was just confusing. I would love to see a novel version of this.


over 6 years ago aaron mitchell said:

that's a really cool story! there's so much happening, it's really creative, you've created an amazing place with amazing people at an amazing time, a world the reader can get happily and completely drawn into


Don't panic

over 6 years ago Cassy S said:

Ok this is some heavy, heavy stuff. So, I'm just going to give you the thoughts I had as I read (in the order they popped into my head): At first, I was a little confused. Like, suddenly there was a war and names of peoples that I didn't recognize, and magical powers I didn't quite understand, but as I kept going, frankly, I stopped caring. It didn't matter to me that I didn't know how "Gifts" worked, or who had them, or why, because the pace of this story is so quick that I don't have time to worry about them. Speaking of pace, there's a part where I think Seth dies, but I'm not sure because he's revived(?) so quickly. I know that the contests all have word limits but I do wish you could have slowed that moment (as well as the one where he sets someone's house on fire) a tad. I loved the idea of setting your friend's house of fire if you're going to abandon him and go to war. That seems like the perfect response. And the fact that it's the couch he burns seems somehow appropriate since they're friend and...I can't explain why, but it felt so darn RIGHT. Your sentence structure (yeah, I went there...) is pretty solid, and your sentences themselves are good, but I wish that there had been more variety in sentence length. Partially, this would slow you down more, but more importantly, it would slow me down. Having to slow down for a slightly longer sentence (nothing too long because it would feel out-of-place) would allow me to gather my thoughts about who these people(s) are and what's this whole war thing about. I'm not sure I understand the purpose of sending Seth to the general if the general is just going to send him elsewhere without so much as a glance. If you were to rewrite (and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't; this is good writing already) you could probably eliminate that entirely. You could send him straight to the cave without stopping, and that would hold the flow of the story better (I think). So I adored the ending. I think any questions I had were either answered or made irrelevant by the ending. I'm not usually big on bible-isms, but that was pretty brilliant of you. It's a great use of that quotation, and somehow makes the story make more sense in the context of our world. Other things I adored: the concept of "gift" as a very specialized magic. It confused me at first, but by the end it really worked for me; the use of letters: that the one people had W's carved into their bodies, and the guy had an F on his sword--it's more symbolism than I can really handle at this hour, but I liked it; the names of the characters in general.


over 6 years ago T.M.T.U. said:

An interesting story, I'd like to read the expanded version. The ending in this one didn't really make sense, both why the MC did what he did, what exactly happened in the fight in the cave, and why the MC then had to die (especially since he was anything but 'innocent'). There were some other confusing/inconsistent bits as well, but I'll hold off till I read the full story. Still, not a bad story. Keep on writing!

P.S. - Would you read something of mine?