Labor of Love

Labor of Love

1 chapter / 664 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

Top five winner!{ENTRY FOR #Halloween15 CONTEST}
Clara and Kyle are expecting, but what they get is completely unexpected.

Cover art by Tyanna J Snider

Genres:

Writing, Drama, Horror

Comments(13)

Tulips

2 months ago Serena Dias said:

For a second, I didn't get it, but when I read the last line. I got it. It was amazing!

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about 1 year ago ℬøø said:

So sad! This reminds me of my mom. With my oldest sister she remembers floating over her body while they tried to bring her back to life! What a scary experience!

Good job!

Jedi girl

almost 2 years ago Melissa Heinrich said:

So sad and horrible, good job on the writing though.

Photo0763

almost 2 years ago Arietta Coleman said:

Cassidy Ozias, no. The baby is fine and healthy. Its her mother who died during childbirth. So sad. Its so much stress on the body, many things can go wrong.

Reviews(2)

Avatar

about 2 years ago Megannah Eyre said:

I was so ready to go on to the second chapter (something I never usually do) but THERE WAS NONE I WAS SO SAD!

First of all you have a knack for pace. I, personally, could never ever write something that moves so quickly but you executed it wonderfully. It moved swiftly but not too swift where it could be confusing or a blur. It was clear, precise, and sharp! I also loved your syntax, simple but still grabbing, and your dialogue was very believable.

One thing that I would suggest, even though I understand the want to keep it short and simple, I would like to see more description of emotions. Obviously Clara was a little distressed, show us what she is feeling. I would assume a woman would be frantic and confused, maybe even a little upset. Describing this emotion would provide a basis for the reader to be drawn in more, allowing the reader to really feel what the character is feeling. Getting the reader on the character's level is really really holds the reader's attention. They can relate to the character. Other than that, I saw no problems with grammar, punctuation and all that jazz, really it was well done and left me wanting more!

Let me know when/if you add more!

~Hannah and Meg

Mi

about 2 years ago Artemis J. Potter said:

This was really sad, though I guess that's to be expected with the story prompt. I liked how you played it out like she thought the baby was dead, but it was really here. It didn't feel rushed or anything, which was great. I guess like Josie said, it was mostly dialogue and you could have mixed in some other elements, but I know you had a word limit. But since the contest is over, I think you could add more detail, explaining more of the character's thoughts and not just having it being dialogue.

I hope my review helped! And congratulations on winning again!