Karani of the Ice

Karani of the Ice

6 chapters / 3033 words

Approximately 15 minutes to read

Description:

Cover made by Rose Rivera, I feel fancy to have a custom cover =)

Karani has spent her life preparing to be Queen, but has never gotten support from her people. So when her father dies and she becomes Queen early Karani must keep the peace that has been made between Ice and Water by her father so long ago, but of course there are complications. Karani ends up in her enemies' territory fighting to get back home and make peace between the nations. And that is made even harder by the fact that she must hide her identity and get help from the enemy.

Alright and to all you folks who are helping me to make this better by giving advice, I solemnly swear that I will add more detail and the ONLY reason it's not detaily is cuz I'm bad at doing that while I'm sitting at a computer desk coming up with everything as I go along. THANKS FOR THE CRITICSM! okay yepp that's it.

Genres:

Writing, Romance, Novel

Comments(13)

Audrey2_pink

almost 6 years ago M. Smith said:

Wow, this is a really interesting story. I like how Water and Ice are similar but have their differences too. I really liked Karani, but I for some reason Damien didn't seem right to me. The way he talked made him seem really rude and mean, and I don't think that was the effect you were going for. But it was still good, and I can't wait to read more!

Image

almost 6 years ago M.H. said:

Sorry for getting to this so late. I've had so much to do :( Anyway, I am impressed by your story. I love how you start it off with the telling of the history by the main character, and then the MC says, 'by the way that person's me'. This style tends to be in movies, but isn't really written in books. I like that you did that :) kKeep writing more!

Jueda_transpacifica

almost 6 years ago Ami Chan said:

I'm really curious about what's going to happen. I really liked the first two chapters and then it started getting a little choppy in my opinion. I really want to see where you go with this.

Hi im a terrorist

almost 6 years ago Socksplz said:

Huh. I clicked on this only intending to heart it like you'd ask, but I ended up reading four chapters of it. And I think I'll continue reading. Good job c:

Reviews(3)

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over 5 years ago Mady Bolster said:

awesome! work dont listen to the criticism u got talent!! keep it up!

Metaltext

almost 6 years ago Eldunayri said:

Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. Ninety-eight percent of this is dialogue, choppy dialogue that is. I know it's supposed to be regal, but it just seems so fake and awkward. And please, oh PLEASE, give me description! I can't imagine what the world looks like, let alone the castle or the characters. (That's bad) Ok so you have a very cliché opening chapter "There's war...there's been war... There still is war... My name is...etc." In the next (exceedingly short) chapter, which, as it's a memory, could be combined with any other chapter, I feel really lost until you find out its a memory. I read the other chapters too, but as my problems with them are generally the same, I'll combine them. 1) Lack of description leaves this severely lacking 2) You really need to learn how to 'Show not Tell' because almost everything you do is telling and it makes your writing worse 3) Awkward, repetitive sentence structure 4) Combining/lengthening chapters 5) Characterization (aka making the reader feel for the character) 6) Spelling/grammar (there were quite a few mistakes that you need to fix)

Keep working on it. ~Kat