Long Way to Omaha

Long Way to Omaha

1 chapter / 312 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read

Description:

This was my entry for the Road Trip Flash Contest. 'Twas not a finalist, but I still kept it because I thought it was cute. Critiques are not only welcome, but encouraged!

Genres:

Writing, Short Story

Comments(9)

Dsc03421

about 6 years ago Vivian Thai said:

Wow I loved this. I felt like t was an actual realistic types of road trips which are the best just houw u described everything was great. I like how u made parts of it funny keep up the good work

12_scotland

about 6 years ago A said:

Oh gosh, that made me laugh. Mostly because I can completely sympathize with the main character, since I have three siblings, and we go on a ridiculous number of road trips. If you could make it any longer, I'd definitely be interested :) Good work!

Photo (8)

about 6 years ago Gabriella Gamez said:

I love roadtrips lol this was so cute!

Prince 085

over 6 years ago Steph A. said:

As someone who has gone on long road trips with three other siblings, this is something I can definitley relate to. You brought out that frustrated emotion that your main character was feeling quite well. Nice job.

Reviews(1)

Santacruzme

over 6 years ago Trina Elisabeth said:

Okay, first of all, I really like this story. It's very endearing the way the narrator talks about her family, and it just made me smile. You asked for criticism though, so I'll try to give you some suggestions for changes. 1) In the beginning, "the direction of" isn't really needed. 2) In the second paragraph, you say "strains his eyes." Maybe "trains his eyes" or "focuses on" or something? 3) In the part about Miranda, I'm not sure who's speaking. The narrator, or Miranda? 4) "Before I know I'm being smeared..." It seems like it needs something. Maybe say "Before I know what's happening I'm being.." or "Before I know what's going on I'm being..." 5) "The sun is peeping over the monotonous highway's horizon." I think you should change this around, play it up a bit. For example, "The brilliant sun is peeping over the horizon of our monotonous highway." I thought is sounded slightly weird. 6) I think "nonchalantly recline" would sound better as "recline nonchalantly." Of course, all of those things are purely opinion and it's not like you have to change anything. I thought I'd give you some kind of critique, even if it's minor. So anyway, I think this story is a lovely take on "road trip." and I especially love the end and how she puts on her music and puts up her feet. The last line is wonderful, too. Nice writing :)