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Approximately about 1 hour to read
3 days ago Sam said:
Putting this here since it's not really a review. Reread chapter one and I don't have anything else to add. It has been improved.
3 days ago Vixen Green said:
This is such good writing! I was intrigued by the 1st chapter alone!
12 days ago Maisie Teska said:
I really liked this book. Continue to write more! Check out my book if you haven't already. Thanks!
14 days ago Ian Reeve said:
Very good writing. It was easy to read, easy to lose yourself in the story. The subject matter, children being abused by an apocalyptic, fascist, totalitarian regime, wasn't one I would normally be attracted by, but if you write in other genres I would definitely be interested.
I would only change one thing. The president, at the start of the story, would use different, more optimistic language, I think. He would talk about 'the challenging times we live in' rather than talk about how awful it all was. That's the only thing, though. Well done.
If you have the time, perhaps you could take a look at 'The Sceptre of Samnos' and let me know what you think of it. Thanks.
25 days ago Sarah Richard said:
I loved how visceral your descriptions were and there was some great dialogue use. All of the little details pulled me in.I particularly loved your descriptions of energy and water consumption.
Some caution can be used when writing a popular genre. There's that saying that nothing is an original (blah, blah, blah). I saw wide sweeping attempts at plot setting I've read in other novels. There's nothing wrong with that, but I came away feeling like you didn't know where you want this to go. What would have helped me, as a reader, is further specificity. I struggled with your world building and character introductions. There's a LOT here. Honing in on it will only further enrich where you're headed.
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate that you actively seek feedback and put work out into the world! That's half the battle. Keep on being wonderful :)
28 days ago reefa said:
It seems pretty interesting so far. Like some others have mentioned before, the grammar could use a bit of work, but generally it's a good story. I like the idea of it, and it's quite enjoyable to read. However, sometimes it feels a bit wonky, if that makes sense. If you can make the story (as in paragraphs and sentences) flow together better, it would be even nicer to read. The characters are pretty nice as well, so that makes it more fun to read. Besides that, I think it would also be nice if there were more descriptions of the world and area in general, to provide a better image of the setting. I hope this helped somehow!