17 chapters / 6979 words

Approximately 35 minutes to read


DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THIS!!! IF ANYTHING, TAKE A LOOK AT "THE FOUNTAIN"!!! About a man who can't seem to remember who he is, and the woman who helps him.
This is only a first draft, so I haven't really done any revising yet.



over 4 years ago xxing17 said:

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over 6 years ago Kayla Wolf said:

when are you gonna post the changed draft

(btw people i helped her come up with some ideas in the new copy)


over 6 years ago Alexandra K. said:

This is amazing! I don't know if I'll be able to write anything as good as this. Could you please check out my writings in your spare time and give me any advice on how I can improve my technique?

Sam_0063 square

over 6 years ago B. D. Legan said:

I really like this so far. :DD I'm a bit pressed for time right now, so I only got to read until chapter 7.

I like the concept of this very much. Though, some of Eliza and James' reactions to certain events seem... unrealistic. Think about what you would do if put in the situation they're in, and go from there.

This is really good so far! Great job! -BD


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over 6 years ago Matthew Barriena said:

Ummm... For the most part I thought the main issue that needs to be dealt with is that of chapter length. Making chapters long enough to actually make it feel as if time is stretching and the characters are devolving and getting closer is a very important thing in my opinion. Don't water it down but don't starve it either. As for praise both of the characters flow very nicely together and the plot is interesting enough to make one want to continue. Good work and keep it up.

Fall 2010_adriane's house september (10)

over 6 years ago Kay Maher said:

I liked it so far. I just wanted to ask a couple of questions. Why was Eliza on the street alone? Why did she want James to hide when the police came looking for him? If the hospital knew his name, why did they just let him go with a random woman? I just wanted to suggest maybe making the doctors unable to identify him so that when the police come asking, you can have eliza pretend she doesnt know James because she doesnt realize that the man is a plain clothes cop. I just think that would make it a little more consistent. I liked the fact that although James has amnesia that you give him a personality and dont make him a blank slate with no emotions. Good job and keep writing! :)