The Telling of the Bees

The Telling of the Bees

14 chapters / 24375 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read

Description:

When Susanna catches word that her husband has plans to poison her and his other wives on their farm, she does what any sister wife escaping a cult would do-- she sets it aflame and escapes with her daughter in the middle of the night. She makes a living doing the only thing she knows how to do well-- keep bees.

**TW: Contains scenes of graphic physical, sexual, and mental abuse. Read at your own risk. Some material may not be suitable for all readers.**

Comments(11)

Ball

about 1 month ago Lauren Fricke said:

Oh my.

I just read the entire piece... I didn't intend to do that. Your writing pulled me in, the absurdness of Susanna's situation both bizarre and fascinating.

Well done.

Toward the start of the piece, you overuse the word "I". Try replacing it or reworking sentences to not need it. That said, I became so engrossed in the story that I didn't really care.

Very well done, Marissa. Very well done.

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6 months ago Eris Napier said:

Your writing is quite beautiful. I had to read to straight through, and was shocked and appalled. It made me feel powerful emotions, and it was a phenomenal ride throughout the story. I love the way you explored the relationships between the six wives, and how someone could get caught up in something so occult. Thank you for the experience!

Peonies and books

8 months ago Rissawrites said:

I look forward to each time that you add a chapter to this book of yours, and I'm really looking forward to the next one since you left it with a cliffhanger! :o

Peonies and books

9 months ago Rissawrites said:

Ahhhh I love reading your work so much. Each sentence is so captivating, in-depth, and absolutely beautiful.

Reviews(6)

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about 1 month ago TrippGalaxy said:

Okay so I read the first two chapters & I’ll be back to read more but I figured I’d drop a review of my first thoughts. Just keep in mind these are suggestions so take them with a grain of salt!

“It is said that bees are reincarnations of the purest souls”- I love that.

I’m curious as to why the children sleep in the barn. Is it because there’s so many of them? Do they sleep on the straw on the ground or do they have little cots? Maybe a little bit more description of how it looks would help get a better picture.

It’d almost be nice to have a little more dialogue when they first meet at the coffee shop. Maybe some more interaction back at the first encounter would give us a little more detail or background information and maybe we can understand why she found him so attractive in the first place.

My one big critique I have is how quickly you describe and explain her falling in love with him and then suddenly she’s pregnant over two months. The fact that she was willing to marry him against her own inner conflict; he must have really meant something to her and made an impression. It’d be nice to have a few more scenes or flashbacks of them together over those two months. It would make her agreeing to the marriage more believable.

“There were five other women starring back at me…” It should be “staring”.

So far it’s off to a strong start and I’m really intrigued with it. You don’t read a lot of story lines on here about polygamy so it’s interesting to see a different perspective.

Cheers.

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about 1 month ago G. Francis said:

NOTE: I am only here to give constructive feedback based on my opinion and past experience as a writer. I don't expect you to take all or any of my suggestions if it doesn't suit your preferences.

I know this isn't a documentary on bees or anything of the sort but I just want to fact check. Bees don't communicate through buzzing, they dance in a way that other bees (or I suppose in this case, a bee whisperer) can understand. Of course, if you wish for it to be buzzing then I won't stop you.

I love how, throughout the story, your words were well-chosen and very descriptive though careful not to add unnecessary details.

Wow, I did not expect this to focus on a different topic! The title definitely gave the story a light mood but went diving into the story, I could feel the mood darken immensely.

I loved how the darkness of the story settled into a misty grey as she flash-backed to when she first met her husband. It was like I could still feel the happiness she felt at the time, almost like the information I was just told five seconds earlier didn't exist.

When Susanna found out that Jonathon had multiple wives, I could feel her heart sink into her chest (though it wasn't stated as such), great turn of events!

The story reveals so many details that show Jonathon's personality though it would be nice to know more about Susanna. Most of what you talk about is what happened to her and her reaction to it but we never know how she normally acts, I guess because the story is centered on her living with Jonathon but some backstory is still nice! :)

The idea of the ending is nice but I think it can be polished to sound more [casual?]

Overall, awesome job! It really makes me sympathize with Susanna as I read her story. Keep it up!

- G. Francis