Reign of Darkness II

Reign of Darkness II

13 chapters / 24902 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read

Description:

Garret Hood has been the ruler of Akt'reyia for a thousand years, and has succeeded in wiping away the remnants of Nahruna the Black's evil. But now, a cult from the faraway province of Ganna has revealed a closely guarded secret about Akt'reyia's past: It was originally the home of the people of Ganna, who were exiled in a great war. The cult, called the Order of the Risen Flame, has dedicated themselves to eradicating the people of Akt'reyia and reclaiming what was taken from them. Can Garret stop them? Or will the flame consume all that he loves?

Genres:

Writing, Fantasy, Novel

Comments(1)

200

about 1 year ago Stephanie Horror said:

**I love your idea** not you xD Sorries, it's late here and I should be getting to bed xD Night~

Reviews(1)

200

about 1 year ago Stephanie Horror said:

~*Review for Prologue*~

I write my reviews as I read along so anything I say is either me editing your errors or stating my opinions. You can take my review into consideration to help improve your writing or not.((:

I'm not entirely sure what kind of review you are looking for. I don't know if you're looking for errors, grammar, or just a simple review on my thoughts of what I thought about your prologue. However, I'm just going to do a bit of both. I'm not really into the whole Fantasy genre, but I will try my best to give you the review you need, and I hope it helps you in anyway. ((:

--> It was a dark night. This is me being nit-picky, but this line seems is overused a lot and doesn't really draw your audience in--at least it didn't me. Now you can just ignore me right now or you could delete this line. Again, you can ignore me because this is just my opinion.

--> All four of them solemnly removed their hoods to reveal bald heads... You should use another word instead of the word 'bald'. How about shaved heads...?

--> The other three joined in the chorus... Since this is a new paragraph, it should be seperated on its own just to seperate from the dialogue.

4,000,000 years before? I'm confused now. Why did you have the present be read first instead of having the past being read last...? Let me continue reading...

Alright first off, this large paragraph could be departed into two. Especially when it comes to your dialogue. I know I'm being nit-picky about this, but it's a lot more easier to read books when the dialouge tags are seperated from the paragraph itself. ((:

--> You can just delete this sentence: What right had the Elves? since you repeat it in the next sentence.

Okay, after just reading this large paragraph, here are some of my suggestions that you can take into consideration or ignore by all means:

--First off, you have the past, and then all of this background information bundled into one large paragraph. Personally, I think you can save the background information for later throughout the entire story. For me, personally, it didn't flow well here. Only because you're jumping from one thing to the next. You start off with a scene of a young boy playing with his toy, and then you jump into the whole information scheme where it just loses a bit of flow. Maybe it's just me, and like I said I'm not into the Fantasy genre, but I just think that the background information that you bundled up here, could at least be flowed a bit more smoothly in later parts of the story.

--Another thing, not only should your dialouge tags in this paragraph be seperated off on their own, but I think you could expanded this "scene" a bit more? To make it more "alive"? Not sure if that is the word I'm looking for, but after reading the beginning of this paragraph, you're pretty much repeating what you already noted in the character's dialougues--it's repetitive. I see what you're trying to do (I think...o.o) and if you're trying to show the audience a scene of what really happened and how the Elves took over, then perhaps rewrite this paragprah over, and make it into a whole scene. Make it descriptive--show us more than tell us. Maybe that's what you're lacking here and maybe I think that is what you should aim for this section of the prologue.

Then again, you can ignore me if you don't wish to change your writing and do what you believe is best. ((:

Oh gosh! That's sad that they killed his mother...

Overall: So now that I read the whole prologue of what you have here, here is my critique. What I think you could do to make this prologue "better" is by switching around the present and the past scenes. In the beginning, you start off with four men by a bonfire. Then, you jump into the past about a young lad being knocked out by an elf. I think the past scene would begin best and then jumping into the present where the lad is older...that is if it is him speaking in the beginning. But other than that, I'm not into the Fantasy genre and find it boring, but I do admire how Fantasy writers create a whole new world to readers, and invite them into their world. And you my love did just that. ((: You love your idea here--it's unique and not to mention, very creative. It's sad though to hear about what happen to the boy's mother, though it's sort of hard to believe"Elves" taking over the land. O.o For being how short they are, you could just...step on them, and kick them around or something xD Haha, but I find the whole Elves thing and the socerer a nice touch to this masterpiece, and I'm very curious to figure out who the men were in the beginning, and why they had the tattoos on their head. You didn't really go into the whole depth-details of that (which I admire, I rather find out more about that later in the chapters as I read along) and it's going to make me want to come back to read the next chapter to see where it all goes.

I hope this review was some-what helpful to you in anyway and it was something that you were looking for. Other than, I wish you nothing but the best of luck with your writing and all that you do. ((: Happy writing and never stop. ^-^

-Fishy