Please help me with this train wreck of a query letter..
My name is Tomara Conner, and I am a sixteen year old with a mind that just might shock the world. I know for starters my age scares most agents off, because they’re afraid I’m not mature enough to handle this business, but with myself that’s not the case. What makes my novel unique is it’s a young adult novel written by a young adult. Who would ever expect a sixteen year old to write an 102 thousand worded novel which could also possibly be turned into a series? I’m passionate about my writing, and I do believe that other people in the world would be to. If given the chance I could really bring a lot to the table, maybe even make a difference in people’s worlds all I really need is that one chance.
My novel Nightwalkers is about five sixteen year old girls who are emancipated from their families, because of mental, physical, and emotional abuse that occurred. A nightwalker in this since is someone who during the day has one personality, but at night is completely opposite of what they were. Each nightwalker is gifted with a god given color, and power. Taylor the main characters whose point of view the novel is told in is the leader of the group and she’s gifted with an ultimate power. When Taylor starts to get settled into her new life which entails having to grow up faster than she ever wanted to. A new unexpected surprise happens when she sees her soul mate Jeremiah Bradley. At first she’s afraid of the feelings she feels for him. That is until one of her two mentors Alice explains to her that what she’s feeling is normal for a nightwalker, because she’s found the one person she’s destined to be with. After being able to be happy with her soul mate she finds out from her other mentor Miranda that Jeremiah is not human. Taylor is afraid to tell him what she is, but when it comes down to it she knows it’s time for them to share their secret worlds with one another. Everything goes fine and everyone starts to seem blissful, until Taylor’s mood changes and she makes a grave mistake. When Jeremiah is fed up with how Taylor is acting him and another soul-mate leave. When Taylor wakes up naturally she doesn’t remember anything that happened, until she calls to her powers to help her remember. After going back in time Taylor realizes just how miserable her life would be if she didn’t have Jeremiah or her friends. When she goes home from trying to find Jeremiah she tries talking to everyone and being calm until she gets a text from his phone and realizes it’s not actually him. Taylor is furious and tells the girls to get ready for what is going to be a war, but when she shows up something no one expects occurs. After the fight and everyone’s content Taylor and Jeremiah wake up the next morning to a guest who visits them in the shower. When impressioned nightwalkers must go through a stage called the lust ghost, which means every time they touch there going to have to feel the pressure to be together. The only way to get rid of it is for both people in the relationship to overcome something important, but the problem is no one knows how. Taylor and Jeremiah began to argue and fight until Taylor cannot handle it anymore. She runs away from her feelings, but only to find out that she has discovered the other half of her family. She finds a girl and three boys who she comes to find out that the girl is another nightwalker and one of the boys is the new nightwalkers soul-mate. The other two boys are the soul-mates of last two girls in the family who haven’t impressioned. When Taylor returns home with the final part of her family she’s realized just how happy she can be. That is until she attempts to figure out just who Jeremiah was back when he lived in England. As soon as she brings it up he becomes defensive, and says things to Taylor she thought wasn’t possible. When she runs to a local park and thinks about everything, Jeremiah finds and explains his past to her. She becomes so touched that when he’s finishes she tells him everything that she’s been through. When they’re both done talking they both experience a pain that is revealed to be the lust ghosts removed from their bodies. They rush home happy, and ecstatic to know that the thing that was causing the most problems and stress in their relationship is gone. For the next few days Jeremiah and Taylor are happy, and to make things better; they including everyone else goes on a vacation to Myrtle Beach South Carolina. There Jeremiah shows Taylor that some fairy tales do come true.
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