Ted B

My Writings

  • Porcupine 2
    • 114
    • 26

    The Adventure Someone Ch. 1

    A magical realism novel set in a world similar to but more timeless than our own. This chapter introduces the lead character, Brant, a…

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  • Brennivin 4
    • 38
    • 7

    The Adventure Someone Ch. 2

    Introduces the female lead, Mette, a schnapps distiller from a frigid, polar country. She's currently dealing with seasonal affective …

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  • Knife
    • 28
    • 6

    The Adventure Someone Chapter 3

    Set in an alternative, more timeless world. Introduces the final main character, Shaheen, a palace gardener in a country parallel to I…

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Talk to me!

Writing-is-hard

over 2 years ago DJV said:

Calling all Figgies!! I need your help to win a design contest! If I win, I get $1,000 closer to my goal of going to college and hopefully getting out debt-free!! If you like my design, vote! :) Tell me what you want me to heart or make a cover for if you don't want to give me a free vote! :) —————————————————————————————————— I apologize if I’ve already asked! If I have, please just ignore this and delete it!  photo Screen Shot 2015-03-01 at 12.22.24 PM_zps5urerz1j.png

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almost 4 years ago Animus Draconis said:

Whoops!!! That was the last review I typed up for someone! My bad!

1005418_394774833976131_1400122923_n

almost 4 years ago Animus Draconis said:

As usual, will be typing as I review this - I find it makes for easier SPaG review and thoughts that cross the mind as I'm reading.

Interesting way to begin a story, mid-conversation... It's a lost art of a hook, let's see if you can pull it off.

I for one would not trust a random backpack of sandwiches.

They know my favorite sandwich? Stalkers.

Gauss Rifle? Fallout fan?

And an Alien fan! Kudos.

I'm not sure why, but something about "That triggers, after a moment of silence, a bout of laughter..." interrupts the flow. I see what you're trying to accomplish and I'm not sure how to fix it. It's just sort of awkward.

The quiet down. They eat their sandwiches is a bit stuttery, IMO.

Try: "Quieting thier laughter, they slowly picked at their sandwiches."

Okay, well at the end of the first bit here, you're doing something a bit strange and I'm kind of confused. You're INTENTIONALLY breaking suspension of belief and thus - the fourth wall. Sometimes it's nice to see the characters pick up on the same things I have as the omniscient reader, sometimes it's uncanny and sets me back a bit in my reading.

You're very good with SPaG, however. I do enjoy seeing someone with good technical writing skills. Personally, I think mine suck. I'm always looking to improve my grammar.

Lion with the face of a man? So we're definitely not in real world scenarios here, but delving into mythos and fantasy.

Missed a space "corpse.She also..."

Ubuquitous, proclivities... Nice, I commend you - but most people will run for the dictionary. That interrupts flow and brings in a bit of annoyance.

True leaders often question how they got to where they are - nice.

Angrily and hostilely tiny? Nah, doesn't work. Try obstinately tiny.

Hm.

Overall, I'm intrigued. But are you trying to be disjointed? I have no idea what to make of this yet. Your mind must be a strange place.

Frs-102-white-square

almost 4 years ago Luna Sara said:

Hi Figger! I'm currently working on my novel "Disperati" and would love to get some feedback on it! I unfortunately have a lot of schoolwork right now and can't promise to complete all swaps, but if you check out "Disperati" and leave a comment on my wall with a short description of any piece you'd like me to read, I will do my best to get to it :)

If I've caught your attention with the title and you'd like to help out a fellow Figger here's a link to "Disperati": http://figment.com/books/705669-Disperati

If not, thank you for reading this far and I'm sorry if I wasted your time :)

thank you for your time, have a nice day :) xx

Overcoming

about 4 years ago OvercomingDyslexic said:

Hey, I'm Lexi :) I just wrote a story about a girl who must choose between her future and her family's survival. It does deal with prostitution, so I want to be sure that I portrayed Eva as delicately as possible and that I did the culture of Samana justice. I would really appreciate it if you could check it out. It's called "Eva": http://figment.com/books/690203-Eva.

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My Reviews

The Great Pretender

(over 6 years ago)

Major props for writing a guy character practically flawlessly. This is one of the best stories I've read on Figment for sure. The omissi... Read More »

Love-Love

(over 6 years ago)

This was a very well written story. You were able to bring the characters to life and bestow them with their individuality very quickly, ... Read More »